New Moon - Epilogue

Epilogue - Treaty

normal ¬in less time than I would have believed possible. The hospital welcomed Carlisle
back with eager arms, not even bothering to conceal their delight that Esme had found life in
L.A. so little to her liking. Thanks to the Calculus test I'd missed while abroad, Alice and
Edward were in better to shape to graduate than I was at the moment. Suddenly, college was
a priority (college was still plan B, on the off chance that Edward's offer swayed me from the
post-graduation Carlisle option). Many deadlines had passed me by, but Edward had a new
stack of applications for me to fill out every day. He'd already done the Harvard route, so it
didn't bother him that, thanks to my procrastination, we might both end up at Peninsula
Community College next year.

Charlie was not happy with me, or speaking to Edward. But at least Edward was
allowed¬ during my designated visiting hours ¬inside the house again. I just wasn't allowed
out of it.

School and work were the only exceptions, and the dreary, dull yellow walls of my
classrooms had become oddly inviting to me of late. That had a lot to do with the person
who sat in the desk beside me.

Edward had resumed his schedule from the beginning of the year, which put him in most of
my classes again. My behavior had been such last fall, after the Cullens' supposed move to
L.A., that the seat beside me had never been filled. Even Mike, always eager to take any
advantage, had kept a safe distance. With Edward back in place, it was almost as if the last
eight months were just a disturbing nightmare.

Almost, but not quite. There was the house arrest situation, for one thing. And for another,
before the fall, I hadn't been best friends with Jacob Black. So, of course, I hadn't missed him
then.

I wasn't at liberty to go to La Push, and Jacob wasn't coming to see me. He wouldn't even
answer my phone calls.

I made these calls mostly at night, after Edward had been kicked out¬ promptly at nine by a
grimly gleeful Charlie¬ and before Edward snuck back through my window when Charlie was
asleep. I chose that time to make my fruitless calls because I'd noticed that Edward made a
certain face every time I mentioned Jacob's name. Sort of disapproving and wary... maybe
even angry. I guessed that he had some reciprocal prejudice against the werewolves, though
he wasn't as vocal as Jacob had been about the "bloodsuckers."

So, I didn't mention Jacob much.

With Edward near me, it was hard to think about unhappy things ¬even my former best
friend, who was probably very unhappy right now, due to me. When I did think of Jake, I
always felt guilty for not thinking of him more.

The fairy tale was back on. Prince returned, bad spell broken. I wasn't sure exactly what to
do about the leftover, unresolved character. Where was his happily ever after?

Weeks passed, and Jacob still wouldn't answer my calls. It started to become a constant
worry. Like a dripping faucet in the back of my head that I couldn't shut off or ignore. Drip,
drip, drip. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.

So, though I didn't mention Jacob much, sometimes my frustration and anxiety boiled over.

"It's just plain rude!" I vented one Saturday afternoon when Edward picked me up from
work. Being angry about things was easier than feeling guilty. "Downright insulting!"

I'd varied my pattern, in hopes of a different response. I'd called Jake from work this time,
only to get an unhelpful Billy. Again.

"Billy said he didn't want to talk to me," I fumed, glaring at the rain oozing down the
passenger window.

"That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says
he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to
me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"

"It's not you, Bella," Edward said quietly. "Nobody hates you."

"Feels that way," I muttered, folding my arms across my chest. It was no more than a
stubborn gesture. There was no hole there now¬ I could barely remember the empty feeling
anymore.

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you," Edward said.
"He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply."

"That's stupid. He knows you're not... like other vampires."

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance."

I glared blindly out the windshield, seeing only Jacob's face, set in the bitter mask I hated.

"Bella, we are what we are," Edward said quietly. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can.
He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it
before I k¬" he broke off, and then quickly continued. "Before I hurt him. You would be
unhappy. I don't want that to happen."

I remembered what Jacob had said in the kitchen, hearing the words with perfect recall in his
husky voice. I'm not sure that I'm even-tempered enough to handle that... You probably
wouldn't like it so much if I killed your friend. But he'd been able to handle it, that time...



"Edward Cullen," I whispered. "Were you about to say 'killed him? Were you?"

He looked away from me, staring into the rain. In front of us, the red light I hadn't noticed
turned green and he started forward again, driving very slowly. Not his usual way of driving.

"I would try... very hard... not to do that," Edward finally said.

I stared at him with my mouth hanging open, but he continued to look straight ahead. We
were paused at the corner stop sign.

Abruptly, I remembered what had happened to Paris when Romeo came back. The stage
directions were simple: They fight. Paris falls.

But that was ridiculous. Impossible.

"Well," I said, and took a deep breath, shaking my head to dispel the words in my head.
"Nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you
know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get in more
trouble for being late."

I turned my face up toward him, to smile halfheartedly.

Every time I looked at his face, that impossibly perfect face, my heart pounded strong and
healthy and very there in my chest. This time, the pounding raced ahead of its usual besotted
pace. I recognized the expression on his statue-still face.

"You're already in more trouble, Bella," he whispered through unmoving lips.

I slid closer, clutching his arm as I followed his gaze to see what he was seeing. I don't know
what I expected¬ maybe Victoria standing in the middle of the street, her flaming red hair
blowing in the wind, or a line of tall black cloaks... or a pack of angry werewolves. But I
didn't see anything at all.

"What? What is it?"

He took a deep breath. "Charlie..."

"My dad?" I screeched.

He looked down at me then, and his expression was calm enough to ease some of my panic.

"Charlie... is probably not going to kill you, but he's thinking about it," he told me. He
started to drive forward again, down my street, but he passed the house and parked by the
edge of the trees.

"What did I do?" I gasped.

Edward glanced back at Charlie's house. I followed his gaze, and noticed for the first time
what was parked in the driveway next to the cruiser. Shiny, bright red, impossible to miss.
My motorcycle, flaunting itself in the driveway.

Edward had said that Charlie was ready to kill me, so he must know that ¬that it was mine.
There was only one person who could be behind this treachery.

"No!" I gasped. "Why? Why would Jacob do this to me?" The sting of betrayal washed
through me. I had trusted Jacob implicitly ¬trusted him with every single secret I had. He was
supposed to be my safe harbor ¬the person I could always rely on. Of course things were
strained right now, but I didn't think any of the underlying foundation had changed. I didn't
think that was changeable!

What had I done to deserve this? Charlie was going to be so mad¬ and worse than that, he
was going to be hurt and worried. Didn't he have enough to deal with already? I would have
never imagined that Jake could be so petty and just plain mean. Tears sprang, smarting, into
my eyes, but they were not tears of sadness. I had been betrayed. I was suddenly so angry
that my head throbbed like it was going to explode.

"Is he still here?" I hissed.

"Yes. He's waiting for us there." Edward told me, nodding toward the slender path that
divided the dark fringe of the forest in two.

I jumped out of the car, launching myself toward the trees with my hands already balled into
fists for the first punch.

Why did Edward have to be so much faster than me?

He caught me around the waist before I made the path.

"Let me go! I'm going to murder him! Traitor!" I shouted the epithet toward the trees.

"Charlie will hear you," Edward warned me. "And once he gets you inside, he may brick over
the doorway."

I glanced back at the house instinctively, and it seemed like the glossy red bike was all I
could see. I was seeing red. My head throbbed again.

"Just give me one round with Jacob, and then I'll deal with Charlie." I struggled futilely to
break free.

"Jacob Black wants to see me. That's why he's still here."

That stopped me cold ¬took the fight right out of me. My hands went limp. They fight; Paris
falls.

I was furious, but not that furious.

"Talk?" I asked.

"More or less."

"How much more?" My voice shook.

Edward smoothed my hair back from my face. "Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's
acting as... spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh."

Edward looked at the house again, then tightened his arm around my waist and pulled me
toward the woods. "We should hurry. Charlie's getting impatient."

We didn't have to go far; Jacob waited just a short ways up the path. He lounged against a
mossy tree trunk as he waited, his face hard and bitter, exactly the way I knew it would be.
He looked at me, and then at Edward. Jacob's mouth stretched into a humorless sneer, and
he shrugged away from the tree. He stood on the balls of his bare feet, leaning slightly
forward, with his trembling hands clenched into fists. He looked bigger than the last time I'd
seen him. Somehow, impossibly, he was still growing. He would tower over Edward, if they
stood next to each other.

But Edward stopped as soon as we saw him, leaving a wide space between us and Jacob.
Edward turned his body, shifting me so that I was behind him. I leaned around him to stare at
Jacob ¬to accuse him with my eyes.

I would have thought that seeing his resentful, cynical expression would only make me
angrier. Instead, it reminded me of the last time I'd seen him, with tears in his eyes. My fury
weakened, faltered, as I stared at Jacob. It had been so long since I'd seen him ¬I hated that
our reunion had to be like this.

"Bella," Jacob said as a greeting, nodding once toward me without looking away from
Edward.

"Why?" I whispered, trying to hide the sound of the lump in my throat. "How could you do
this to me, Jacob?"

The sneer vanished, but his face stayed hard and rigid. "It's for the best."

"What is that supposed to mean? Do you want Charlie to strangle me? Or did you want him
to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this
to him?"

Jacob winced, and his eyebrows pulled together, but he didn't answer.

"He didn't want to hurt anyone ¬he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be
allowed to spend time with me," Edward murmured, explaining the thoughts Jacob wouldn't
say.

Jacob's eyes sparked with hate as he glowered at Edward again.

"Aw, Jake!" I groaned. "I'm already grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La
Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

Jacob's eyes flashed back to me, confused for the first time. "That's why?" he asked, and then
locked his jaw, like he was sorry he'd said anything.

"He thought I wouldn't let you, not Charlie," Edward explained again.

"Stop that," Jacob snapped.

Edward didn't answer.

Jacob shuddered once, and then gritted his teeth as hard as his fists. "Bella wasn't
exaggerating about your... abilities," he said through his teeth. "So you must already know
why I'm here."

"Yes," Edward agreed in a soft voice. "But, before you begin, I need to say something."

Jacob waited, clenching and unclenching his hands as he tried to control the shivers rolling
down his arms.

"Thank you," Edward said, and his voice throbbed with the depth of his sincerity. "I will
never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my... existence."

Jacob stared at him blankly, his shudders stilled by surprise. He exchanged a quick glance
with me, but my face was just as mystified.

"For keeping Bella alive," Edward clarified, his voice rough and fervent. "When I... didn't."

"Edward¬," I started to say, but he held one hand up, his eyes on Jacob.

Understanding washed over Jacob's face before the hard mask returned. "I didn't do it for
your benefit."

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever
anything in my power to do for you..."

Jacob raised one black brow.

Edward shook his head. "That's not in my power."

"Whose, then?" Jacob growled.

Edward looked down at me. "Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the
same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

I was immersed momentarily in his golden gaze. It wasn't hard to understand what I'd missed
in the conversation. The only thing that Jacob would want from Edward would be his
absence.

"Never," I whispered, still locked in Edward's eyes.

Jacob made a gagging sound.

I unwillingly broke free from Edward's gaze to frown at Jacob. "Was there something else
you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble¬ mission Accomplished. Charlie might just
send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that
can do that. What more do you want?"

Jacob kept his eyes on Edward "I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few
key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty chat is the only thing stopping me from
ripping his throat out right this minute."

"We haven't forgotten," Edward said at the same time that I demanded, "What key points?"

Jacob still glowered at Edward, but he answered me. "The treaty is quite specific. If any of
them bite a human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill," he emphasized. Finally, he looked at me.
His eyes were cold.

It only took me a second to grasp the distinction, and then my face was as cold as his.

"That's none of your business."

"The hell it¬" was all he managed to choke out.

I didn't expect my hasty words to bring on such a strong response. Despite the warning he'd
come to give, he must not have known. He must have thought the warning was just a
precaution. He hadn't realized¬ or didn't want to believe that I had already made my choice.
That I was really intending to become a member of the Cullen family.

My answer sent Jacob into near convulsions. He pressed his fists hard against his temples,
closing his eyes tight and curling in on himself as he tried to control the spasms. His face
turned sallow green under the russet skin.

"Jake? You okay?" I asked anxiously.

I took a half-step toward him, then Edward caught me and yanked me back behind his own
body. "Careful! He's not under control," he warned me.

But Jacob was already somewhat himself again; only his arms were shaking now. He
scowled at Edward with pure hate. "Ugh. I would never hurt her."



Neither Edward or I missed the inflection, or the accusation it contained. A low hiss escaped
Edward's lips. Jacob clenched his fists reflexively.

"BELLA!" Charlie's roar echoed from the direction of the house. "YOU GET IN THIS
HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

All of us froze, listening to the silence that followed.

I was the first to speak; my voice trembled. "Crap."

Jacob's furious expression faltered. "I am sorry about that," he muttered. "I had to do what I
could ¬I had to try..."

"Thanks." The tremor in my voice ruined the sarcasm. I stared up the path, half-expecting
Charlie to come barreling through the wet ferns like an enraged bull. I would be the red flag
in that scenario.

"Just one more thing," Edward said to me, and then he looked at Jacob. "We've found no
trace of Victoria on our side of the line¬ have you?"

He knew the answer as soon as Jacob thought it, but Jacob spoke the answer anyway. "The
last time was while Bella was... away. We let her think she was slipping through¬ we were
tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her¬"

Ice shot down my spine.

"But then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little
female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."

Edward nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll¬"

"She killed on our turf," Jacob hissed. "She's ours!"

"No¬," I began to protest both declarations.

"BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T
INSIDE THIS HOUSE IN ONE MINUTE... !" Charlie didn't bother to finish his threat.

"Let's go," Edward said.

I looked back at Jacob, torn. Would I see him again?

"Sorry," he whispered so low that I had to read his lips to understand. '"Bye, Bells."

"You promised," I reminded him desperately. "Still friends, right?"

Jacob shook his head slowly, and the lump in my throat nearly strangled me.



"You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but... I can't see how to keep trying.
Not now..." He struggled to keep his hard mask in place, but it wavered, and then
disappeared. "Miss you," he mouthed. One of his hands reached toward me, his fingers
outstretched, like he wished they were long enough to cross the distance between us.

"Me, too," I choked out. My hand reached toward his across the wide space.

Like we were connected, the echo of his pain twisted inside me. His pain, my pain.

"Jake..." I took a step toward him. I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and erase the
expression of misery on his face.

Edward pulled me back again, his arms restraining instead of defending.

"It's okay," I promised him, looking up to read his face with trust in my eyes. He would
understand.

His eyes were unreadable, his face expressionless. Cold. "No, it's not."

"Let her go," Jacob snarled, furious again. "She wants to!" He took two long strides forward.
A glint of anticipation flashed in his eyes. His chest seemed to swell as it shuddered.

Edward pushed me behind himself, wheeling to face Jacob.

"No! Edward¬!"

"ISABELLA SWAN!"

"Come on! Charlie's mad!" My voice was panicked, but not because of Charlie now. "Hurry!"

I tugged on him and he relaxed a little. He pulled me back slowly, always keeping his eyes on
Jacob as we retreated.

Jacob watched us with a dark scowl on his bitter face. The anticipation drained from his
eyes, and then, just before the forest came between us, his face suddenly crumpled in pain.

I knew that last glimpse of his face would haunt me until I saw him smile again.

And right there I vowed that I would see him smile, and soon. I would find a way to keep my
friend.

Edward kept his arm tight around my waist, holding me close. That was the only thing that
held the tears inside my eyes.

I had some serious problems.

My best friend counted me with his enemies.



Victoria was still on the loose, putting everyone I loved in danger.

If I didn't become a vampire soon, the Volturi would kill me.

And now it seemed that if I did, the Quileute werewolves would try to do the job
themselves ¬along with trying to kill my future family. I didn't think they had any chance
really, but would my best friend get himself killed in the attempt?

Very serious problems. So why did they all suddenly seem insignificant when we broke
through the last of the trees and I caught sight of the expression on Charlie's purple face?

Edward squeezed me gently. "I'm here."

I drew in a deep breath.

That was true. Edward was here, with his arms around me.

I could face anything as long as that was true.

I squared my shoulders and walked forward to meet my fate, with my destiny solidly at my
side.

Categories: New Moon

New Moon - Chapter 23

The Truth

I HAD THE SENSE THAT I'D BEEN ASLEEP FOR A VERY long time¬ my body was
stiff, like I hadn't moved once through all that time, either. My mind was dazed and slow;
strange, colorful dreams¬ dreams and nightmares¬ swirled dizzily around the inside of my
head. They were so vivid. The horrible and the heavenly, all mixed together into a bizarre
jumble. There was sharp impatience and fear, both part of that frustrating dream where your
feet can't move fast enough... And there were plenty of monsters, red-eyed fiends that were
all the more ghastly for their genteel civility. The dream was still strong ¬I could even
remember the names. But the strongest, clearest part of the dream was not the horror. It was
the angel that was most clear.

It was hard to let him go and wake up. This dream did not want to be shoved away into the
vault of dreams I refused to revisit. I struggled with it as my mind became more alert,
focusing on reality. I couldn't remember what day of the week it was, but I was sure Jacob or
school or work or something was waiting for me. I inhaled deeply, wondering how to face
another day.

Something cold touched my forehead with the softest pressure.

I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut. I was still dreaming, it seemed, and it felt abnormally
real. I was so close to waking... any second now, and it would be gone.

But I realized that it felt too real, too real to be good for me. The stone arms I imagined
wrapped around me were far too substantial. If I let this go any further, I'd be sorry for it
later. With a resigned sigh, I wrenched back my eyelids to dispel the illusion.

"Oh!" I gasped, and threw my fists over my eyes.

Well, clearly, I'd gone too far; it must have been a mistake to let my imagination get so out of
hand. Okay, so "let" was the wrong word. I'd forced it to get out of hand¬ pretty much
stalked my hallucinations¬ and now my mind had snapped.

It took less than half a second for me to realize that, as long as I was truly insane now, I
might as well enjoy the delusions while they were pleasant.

I opened my eyes again¬ and Edward was still there, his perfect face just inches away from
mine.

"Did I frighten you?" His low voice was anxious. This was very good, as delusions went. The
face, the voice, the scent, everything ¬it was so much better than drowning. The beautiful
figment of my imagination watched my changing expressions, with alarm. His irises were
pitch-black, with bruise-like shadows under them. This surprised me; my hallucinatory
Edwards were usually better fed.

I blinked twice, desperately trying to remember the last thing that I was sure was real. Alice
was part of my dream, and I wondered if she had really come back at all, or if that was just
the preamble. I thought she'd returned the day I'd nearly drowned...

"Oh, crap" I croaked. My throat was thick with sleeping.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

I frowned at him unhappily. His face was even more anxious than before.

"I'm dead, right?" I moaned. "I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

Edward frowned, too. "You're not dead."

"Then why am I not waking up?" I challenged, raising my eyebrows.

"You are awake, Bella."

I shook my head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse
when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor
Charlie. And Renee and Jake..." I trailed off in horror at what I had done.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." His short-lived smile was grim.
"But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many
murders while I was away?"

I grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

He sighed.

My head was getting clearer. My eyes flickered away from his face unwillingly ¬for one
second, to the dark, open window, and then back to him. I started to remember details... and
I felt a faint, unfamiliar blush warm the skin over my cheekbones as I slowly realized that
Edward was really, truly here with me, and I was wasting time being an idiot.

"Did all of that really happen, then?" It was almost impossible to reassign my dream as
reality. I couldn't wrap my head around the concept.

"That depends." Edward's smile was still hard. "If you're referring to us nearly being
massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," I mused. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east
than Albuquerque?"

He rolled his eyes. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore." It was all coming clear now. "What time is it? How long have I been
sleeping?"



"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

I stretched as he spoke. I was so stiff.

"Charlie?" I asked.

Edward frowned. "Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right
now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I
came in the window... But, still, the intent was clear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?" I asked, disbelief quickly melting into fury.

His eyes were sad. "Did you expect anything else?"

My eyes were mad. I was going to have a few words with my father¬ perhaps it would be a
good time to remind him that I was over the legal age of adulthood. It didn't matter so much,
of course, except in principle. All too soon there would be no reason for the prohibition. I
turned my thoughts to less painful avenues.

"What's the story?" I asked, genuinely curious, but also trying desperately to keep the
conversation casual, to keep a firm grip on myself, so I wouldn't scare him away with the
frantic, gnawing craving that was raging inside me.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for... how long was I gone,
anyway?" I tried to count the hours in my head.

"Just three days." His eyes tightened, but he smiled more naturally this time. "Actually, I was
hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

I groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," he offered, trying to comfort me.

And I was comforted. Who cared what I had to deal with later? Every second that he was
here¬ so close, his flawless face glowing in the dim light from the numbers on my alarm
clock¬ was precious and not to be wasted.

"So," I began, picking the least important ¬though still vitally interesting¬ question to start
with. I was safely delivered home, and he might decide to leave at any moment. I had to keep
him talking. Besides, this temporary heaven wasn't entirely complete without the sound of
his voice. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

His face turned wary in an instant. "Nothing terribly exciting."

"Of course not," I mumbled.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well..." I pursed my lips, considering. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the
kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

He sighed. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" I repeated scornfully. He waited for my answer. "Maybe," I said after a second
of thought. "If you tell me."

"I was... hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" I criticized. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

He hesitated, and then spoke slowly, choosing his words with care. "I wasn't hunting for
food... I was actually trying my hand at... tracking. I'm not very good at it."

"What were you tracking?" I asked, intrigued.

"Nothing of consequence." His words didn't match his expression; he looked upset,
uncomfortable.

"I don't understand."

He hesitated; his face, shining with an odd green cast from the light of the clock, was torn.

"I¬" He took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much
more than that. But you have to know," ¬the words began to flow so fast, the way I
remembered he spoke sometimes when he was agitated, that I really had to concentrate to
catch them all ¬"that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it
was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria," ¬his lips curled back when he said
the name¬ "would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much
more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in
her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now¬ she was so sure of him,
the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her
feelings about him ¬that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told
Alice ¬what she saw herself¬ when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of
werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself ¬he
shuddered and the gush of words halted for a short second. "Please know that I had no idea
of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my
arms. I am the most miserable excuse for¬"

"Stop," I interrupted him. He stared at me with agonized eyes, and I tried to find the right
words¬ the words that would free him from this imagined obligation that caused him so much
pain. They were very hard words to say. I didn't know if I could get them out without
breaking down. But I had to try to do it right. I didn't want to be a source of guilt and
anguish in his life. He should be happy, no matter what it cost me.

I'd really been hoping to put off this part of our last conversation. It was going to bring
things to an end so much sooner.

Drawing on all my months of practice with trying to be normal for Charlie, I kept my face
smooth.

"Edward," I said. His name burned my throat a little on the way out. I could feel the ghost of
the hole, waiting to rip itself wide again as soon as he disappeared. I didn't quite see how I
was going to survive it this time. "This has to stop now. You can't think about things that
way. You can't let this... this guilt... rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the
things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life is for me. So,
if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job
to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't
save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not
your fault. I know it's your... your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really
can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible ¬thing of Esme and
Carlisle and¬"

I was on the edge of losing it. I stopped to take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself. I had
to set him free. I had to make sure this never happened again.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he whispered, the strangest expression crossing his face. He almost
looked mad. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?"

I could feel the blank incomprehension on my face. "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then... what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," he said, voice soft, eyes
fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death" ¬he shuddered as he whispered the last
word¬ "even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been
more careful¬ I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand
from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the
funeral? What are the odds?

"The odds..." he muttered then, distracted. His voice was so low I wasn't sure I beard it
right. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize
Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand," I said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I was dead?"

He stared at me dubiously for a long moment before answering. "Don't you remember
anything I told you before?"

"I remember everything that you told me." Including the words that had negated all the rest.

He brushed the tip of his cool finger against my lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a
misapprehension." He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on
his beautiful face. It wasn't a happy smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I
can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am..." My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. "Confused." That worked. I
couldn't make sense of what he was saying.

He stared deep into my eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to
be."

I froze, my muscles locking down as if for impact. The fault line in my chest rippled; the pain
of it took my breath away.

He shook my shoulder, trying to loosen my rigid pose. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but
still, for you to believe me so quickly." He winced. "That was... excruciating."

I waited, still frozen.

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye¬"

I didn't allow myself to remember. I fought to keep myself in the present second only.

"You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it ¬it felt
like it would kill me to do it¬ but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you
anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you
thought I'd moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," I whispered through unmoving lips.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to
impossible ¬that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth
for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry ¬sorry because I
hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what
I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how
could you let one word break your faith in me?"

I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The
most absurd, ridiculous concept ¬as if there were any way that I could exist without needing
you!"

I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible, because they were impossible.

He shook my shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little.

"Bella," he sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"

And so I started to cry. The tears welled up and then gushed miserably down my cheeks.

"I knew it," I sobbed. "I knew I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," he said, and he laughed once¬ a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put
this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love
you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your
face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it
was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

I shook my head while the tears continued to ooze from the corners of my eyes.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he whispered, his face paler than his usual pale ¬I could see
that even in the dim light. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," I explained, my voice breaking twice. "I always
knew that."

His eyes narrowed, his jaw tightened.

"I'll prove you're awake," he promised.

He caught my face securely between his iron hands, ignoring my struggles when I tried to
turn my head away.

"Please don't," I whispered.

He stopped, his lips just half an inch from mine.

"Why not?" he demanded. His breath blew into my face, making my head whirl.

"When I wake up" ¬He opened his mouth to protest, so I revised¬ "okay, forget that
one¬ when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

He pulled back an inch, to stare at my face.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so... hesitant, so careful, and yet still the
same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much?
Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be... quite fair. I won't
contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please ¬just tell me now whether or
not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

I stared at him darkly for a long moment. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of
course I love you¬ and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"That's all I needed to hear."

His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn't fight him. Not because he was so many
thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips
met. This kiss was not quite as careful as others I remembered, which suited me just fine. If I
was going to rip myself up further, I might as well get as much in trade as possible.

So I kissed him back, my heart pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm while my breathing
turned to panting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble body
against every line of mine, and I was so glad he hadn't listened to me¬ there was no pain in
the world that would have justified missing this. His hands memorized my face, the same
way mine were tracing his, and, in the brief seconds when his lips were free, he whispered
my name.

When I was starting to get dizzy, he pulled away, only to lay his ear against my heart.

I lay there, dazed, waiting for my gasping to slow and quiet.

"By the way," he said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you."

I didn't say anything, and he seemed to hear skepticism in my silence.

He lifted his face to lock my gaze in his. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," he
added more seriously.

"I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy,
human life. I could see what I was doing to you¬ keeping you constantly on the edge of
danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I
was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only
way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm
much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted... what I needed.
What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave
again. I have too many excuses to stay¬ thank heaven for that! It seems you can't be safe, no
matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," I whispered. If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing... that
would kill me. Where all those merciless vampires had not been able to finish me off, hope
would do the job.

Anger glinted metallic in his black eyes. "You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No ¬not lying." I shook my head, trying to think it through coherently. To examine the
hypothesis that he did love me, while staying objective, clinical, so I wouldn't fall into the
trap of hoping. "You could mean it... now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about
all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

He flinched.

I thought back over those last days of my life before he left me, tried to see them through the
filter of what he was telling me now. From that perspective, imagining that he'd left me
while loving me, left me for me, his brooding and cold silences took on a different meaning.
"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" I guessed. "You'll end up
doing what you think is right."

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," he said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean
much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past
trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through
a single hour. It was only a matter of time¬ and not much of it¬ before I showed up at your
window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

I grimaced. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," he insisted, glaring now. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will
you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

He waited, studying my face as he spoke to make sure I was really listening.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars¬ points
of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything
was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor
had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were
blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for
anything."

I wanted to believe him. But this was my life without him that he was describing, not the
other way around.

"Your eyes will adjust," I mumbled.

"That's just the problem ¬they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

He laughed without a trace of humor. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction
from the... the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It
was like my heart was gone ¬like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me
here with you."

"That's funny," I muttered.

He arched one perfect eyebrow. "Funny? "

"I meant strange ¬I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't
been able to really breathe in so long." I filled my lungs, luxuriating in the sensation. "And my
heart. That was definitely lost."

He closed his eyes and laid his ear over my heart again. I let my cheek press against his hair,
felt the texture of it on my skin, smelled the delicious scent of him.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" I asked, curious, and also needing to distract myself. I
was very much in danger of hoping. I wouldn't be able to stop myself for long. My heart
throbbed, singing in my chest.

"No." He sighed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let
her get away with... Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but
then I followed a false lead down to Brazil¬ and really she came here." He groaned. "I wasn't
even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears¬"

"You were hunting Victoria?" I half-shrieked as soon as I could find my voice, shooting
through two octaves.

Charlie's distant snores stuttered, and then picked up a regular rhythm again.

"Not well," Edward answered, studying my outraged expression with a confused look. "But
I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for
much longer."

"That is... out of the question," I managed to choke out. Insanity. Even if he had Emmett or
Jasper help him. Even if he had Emmett and Jasper help. It was worse than my other
imaginings: Jacob Black standing across a small space from Victoria's vicious and feline
figure. I couldn't bear to picture Edward there, even though he was so much more durable
than my half-human best friend.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after¬"

I interrupted him again, trying to sound calm. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going
to leave?" I asked, fighting the words as I said them, nor letting them plant themselves in my
heart. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

He frowned. A snarl began to build low in his chest. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But
Victoria" ¬the snarl became more pronounced ¬"is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty," I said, trying to hide my panic. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's
pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got
bigger problems than Victoria."

Edward's eyes narrowed, but he nodded. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

I snorted. "I wasn't talking about Jacob. My problems are a lot worse that a handful of
adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

Edward looked as if he were about to say something, and then thought better of it. His teeth
clicked together, and he spoke through them. "Really?" he asked. "Then what would be your
greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an
inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" I hedged.

"All right," he agreed, suspicious.

I paused. I wasn't sure I could say the name. "There are others who are coming to look for
me," I reminded him in a subdued whisper.

He sighed, but the reaction was not as strong as I would have imagined after his response to
Victoria.

"The Volturi are only the second greatest?"

"You don't seem that upset about it," I noted.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to
them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't
be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again," he added lightly.

Horror washed through me.

Thirty.

So his promises meant nothing, in the end. If I were going to turn thirty someday, then he
couldn't be planning on staying long. The harsh pain of this knowledge made me realize that
I'd already begun to hope, without giving myself permission to do so.

"You don't have to be afraid," he said, anxious as he watched the tears dew up again on the
rims of my eyes. "I won't let them hurt you."
"While you're here." Not that I cared what happened to me when he left.

He took my face between his two stone hands, holding it tightly while his midnight eyes
glared into mine with the gravitational force of a black hole. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said thirty," I whispered. The tears leaked over the edge. "What? You're going to
stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

His eyes softened, while his mouth went hard. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What
choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really..." I tried to keep my voice even, but this question was too hard. I remembered
his face when Aro had almost begged him to consider making me immortal. The sick look
there. Was this fixation with keeping me human really about my soul, or was it because he
wasn't sure that he wanted me around that long?

"Yes?" he asked, waiting for my question.

I asked a different one. Almost ¬but not quite ¬as hard.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?"
My voice was pale with revulsion ¬I could see Gran's face again in the dream mirror.

His whole face was soft now. He brushed the tears from my cheek with his lips. "That
doesn't mean anything to me," he breathed against my skin. "You will always be the most
beautiful thing in my world. Of course..." He hesitated, flinching slightly. "If you outgrew
me ¬if you wanted something more ¬I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't
stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

His eyes were liquid onyx and utterly sincere. He spoke as if he'd put endless amounts of
thought into this asinine plan.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" I demanded.

He'd thought about this part, too. "I'll follow after as soon as I can."

"That is seriously..."I looked for the right word. "Sick."

"Bella, it's the only right way left¬"

"Let's just back up for a minute," I said; feeling angry made it so much easier to be clear,
decisive. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me.
Even if they don't think of me till I'm thirty"¬ I hissed the word¬" do you really think they'll
forget?"

"No," he answered slowly, shaking his head. "They won't forget. But..."

"But?"

He grinned while I stared at him warily. Maybe I wasn't the only crazy one.

"I have a few plans."

"And these plans," I said, my voice getting more acidic with each word. "These plans all
center around me staying human."

My attitude hardened his expression. "Naturally." His tone was brusque, his divine face
arrogant.

We glowered at each other for a long minute.

Then I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, I pushed his arms away so that I could sit
up.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, and it made my heart flutter to see that this idea hurt
him, though he tried not to show it.

"No," I told him. "I'm leaving."

He watched me suspiciously as I climbed out of the bed and fumbled around in the dark
room, looking for my shoes.

"May I ask where you are going.'" he asked.

"I'm going to your house," I told him, still feeling around blindly.

He got up and came to my side. "Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?"

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie," he offered as a deterrent.

I sighed. "I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble
can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," he suggested, but his expression wasn't hopeful.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," I encouraged, surprised at how
natural my teasing sounded, and headed for the door.

He was there before me, blocking my way.

I frowned, and turned for the window. It wasn't really that far to the ground, and it was
mostly grass beneath...

"Okay," he sighed. "I'll give you a ride."

I shrugged. "Either way. But you probably should be there, too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your
views."

"My views on which subject?" He asked through his teeth.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know." My
own personal universe was, of course, a different story. "If you're going to bring the Volturi
down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a
say."

"A say in what?" he asked, each word distinct.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

Categories: New Moon

New Moon - Chapter 24

The Vote

HE WAS NOT PLEASED, THAT MUCH WAS EASY TO READ in his face. But,
without further argument, he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window,
landing without the slightest jolt, like a cat. It was a little bit farther down than I'd imagined.

"All right then," he said, his voice seething with disapproval. "Up you go."

He helped me onto his back, and took off running. Even after all this time, it felt routine.
Easy. Evidently this was something you never forgot, like riding a bicycle.

It was so very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest, his breathing slow and even ¬dark
enough that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible, and only the rush of air in my face
truly gave away our speed. The air was damp; it didn't burn my eyes the way the wind in the
big plaza had, and that was comforting. As was the night, too, after that terrifying brightness.
Like the thick quilt I'd played under as a child, the dark felt familiar and protecting.

I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me, that I used to
have to close my eyes. It seemed a silly reaction to me now. I kept my eyes wide, my chin
resting on his shoulder, my cheek against his neck. The speed was exhilarating. A hundred
times better than the motorcycle.

I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of his neck.

"Thank you," he said, as the vague, black shapes of trees raced past us. "Does that mean
you've decided you're awake?"

I laughed. The sound was easy, natural, effortless. It sounded right. "Not really. More that,
either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," he murmured, mostly to himself. "If it's my final act."

"I trust you," I assured him. "It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please."

He'd slowed to a walk ¬I could only tell because the wind ceased ¬and I guessed that we
weren't far from the house. In fact, I thought I could make out the sound of the river rushing
somewhere close by in the darkness.

"Well¬" I struggled to find the right way to phrase it. "I don't trust myself to be... enough.
To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back. His gentle hands did not release
me; after he'd set me on my feet again, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me
to his chest.



"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," he whispered. "Never doubt that."

But how could I not?

"You never did tell me..." he murmured.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess." I sighed, and reached up to touch the tip of his nose with my index
finger.

He nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," he said grimly. "I guess I've earned that."

I rolled my eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

He waited with tense eyes.

"You can leave me," I explained. "The Volturi, Victoria... they're nothing compared to that."

Even in the darkness, I could see the anguish twist his face¬ it reminded me of his expression
under Jane's torturing gaze; I felt sick, and regretted speaking the truth.

"Don't," I whispered, touching his face. "Don't be sad."

He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly, but the expression didn't touch his eyes.
"If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you," he whispered. "Time, I
suppose, will be the way to convince you."

I liked the idea of time. "Okay," I agreed.

His face was still tormented. I tried to distract him with inconsequentials.

"So¬ since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" I asked, making my tone as light as I
could manage.

My attempt worked, to an extent: he laughed. But his eyes retained the misery. "Your things
were never gone," he told me. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without
reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you.
The CD, the pictures, the tickets ¬they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?"

He nodded, seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial fact. It wasn't
enough to heal the pain in his face completely.

"I think," I said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder... I think maybe I knew it the whole
time."

"What did you know?"

I only wanted to take away the agony in his eyes, but as I spoke the words, they sounded
truer than I expected they would.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared
whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

There was a very deep silence for a moment. "Voices?" he asked flatly.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." The wary look on his face made me wish that
I hadn't brought that up. Would he think I was crazy, like everyone else? Was everyone else
right about that? But at least that expression ¬the one that made him look like something was
burning him¬ faded.

"I've got time." His voice was unnaturally even.

"It's pretty pathetic."

He waited.

I wasn't sure how to explain. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

He spoke the words without inflection or emphasis. "You jumped off a cliff for fun."

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle¬"

"Motorcycle?" he asked. I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing behind the
calm.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No."

"Well, about that... See, I found that... when I was doing something dangerous or stupid... I
could remember you more clearly," I confessed, feeling completely mental. "I could remember
how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right
there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much ¬it was
like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all. I
always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

Again, as I spoke, the words brought with them a sense of conviction. Of rightness. Some
deep place inside me recognized truth.

His words came out half-strangled. "You... were... risking your life... to hear¬"

"Shh," I interrupted him. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I thought of that night in Port Angeles when I'd had my first delusion. I'd come up with two
options. Insanity or wish fulfillment. I'd seen no third option.

But what if...

What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you
were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth?
Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?

Option three: Edward loved me. The bond forged between us was not one that could be
broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or
brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would
always belong to him, so would he always be mine.

Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself?

"Oh!"

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained.

"You love me," I marveled. The sense of conviction and Tightness washed through me again.

Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face.
"Truly, I do."

My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and
blocked my throat so that I could not speak.

He really did want me the way I wanted him¬ forever. It was only fear for my soul, for the
human things he didn't want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me
mortal. Compared to the fear that he didn't want me, this hurdle ¬my soul ¬seemed almost
insignificant.

He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so dizzy the forest
was spinning. Then he leaned his forehead against mine, and I was not the only one
breathing harder than usual.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," he told me.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for
Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was... totally
useless. I couldn't be around my family ¬I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to
admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." He grinned,
sheepish. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do
that, too."

I was deeply relieved that he really seemed to understand¬ comforted that this all made sense
to him. At any rate, he wasn't looking at me like I was crazy. He was looking at me like... he
loved me.

"I only heard one voice," I corrected him.

He laughed and then pulled me tight against his right side and started to lead me forward.

"I'm just humoring you with this." He motioned broadly with his hand toward the darkness in
front of us as we walked. There was something pale and immense there ¬the house, I realized.
"It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too."

He shrugged indifferently.

He led me through the open front door into the dark house and flipped the lights on. The
room was just as I'd remembered it¬ the piano and the white couches and the pale, massive
staircase. No dust, no white sheets.

Edward called out the names with no more volume than I'd use in regular conversation.
"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" They would hear.

Carlisle was suddenly standing beside me, as if he'd been there all along. "Welcome back,
Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that
this is not a purely social visit?"

I nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

I couldn't help glancing up at Edward's face as I spoke. His expression was critical, but
resigned. When I looked back to Carlisle, he was looking at Edward, too.

"Of course," Carlisle said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

Carlisle led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room,
turning on lights as he went. The walls were white, the ceilings high, like the living room. In
the center of the room, under the low-hanging chandelier, was a large, polished oval table
surrounded by eight chairs. Carlisle held out a chair for me at the head.

I'd never seen the Cullens use the dining room table before ¬it was just a prop. They didn't eat



in the house.

As soon as I turned to sit in the chair, I saw that we were not alone. Esme had followed
Edward, and behind her the rest of the family filed in.

Carlisle sat down on my right, and Edward on my left. Everyone else took their seats in
silence. Alice was grinning at me, already in on the plot. Emmett and Jasper looked curious,
and Rosalie smiled at me tentatively. My answering smile was just as timid. That was going
to take some getting used to.

Carlisle nodded toward me. "The floor is yours."

I swallowed. Their gazing eyes made me nervous. Edward took my hand under the table. I
peeked at him, but he was watching the others, his fate suddenly fierce.

"Well," I paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in
Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice assured me.

I threw her a meaningful look. "And on the way?"

"That, too," she nodded.

"Good," I sighed with relief. "Then we're all on the same page."

They waited patiently while I tried to order my thoughts.

"So, I have a problem," I began. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you.
They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing ¬something to avoid.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." I looked at each one of their
beautiful faces, saving the most beautiful for last. Edward's mouth was turned down into a
grimace. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether
Alice is willing or not."

Esme opened her mouth to speak, but I held up one finger to stop her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward
thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide
you don't want me, then... I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here."
My forehead creased as I considered that.

There was the faint rumble of a growl in Edward's chest. I ignored him.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to
vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."



I half-smiled on the last word, and gestured toward Carlisle to begin.

"Just a minute," Edward interrupted.

I glared at him through narrowed eyes. He raised his eyebrows at me, squeezing my hand.

"I have something to add before we vote."

I sighed.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," he continued. "I don't think we need to be overly
anxious."

His expression became more animated. He put his free hand on the shining table and leaned
forward.

"You see," he explained, looking around the table while he spoke, "there was more than one
reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't
think of, and I didn't want to cine them in." He grinned.

"Which was?" Alice prodded. I was sure my expression was just as skeptical as hers.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone,
it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" He glanced down at me.

I shuddered. He took that as a yes.

"He finds people ¬that's his talent, why they keep him.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that
might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent
works. He's a tracker ¬a tracker a thousand times more gifted than Jarres was. His ability is
loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the... flavor? I don't know how to
describe it... the tenor... of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over
immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well..." Edward shrugged.

"You think he won't be able to find me," I said flatly.

He was smug. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with
you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you.
They'll be helpless," he said with fierce enjoyment. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw
in a haystack!"



He and Emmett exchanged a glance and a smirk.

This made no sense. "But they can find you," I reminded him.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward his brother, extending a fist.

"Excellent plan, my brother," he said with enthusiasm.

Edward stretched out his arm to smack Emmett's fist with his own.

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not," I agreed.

"Nice." Jasper's voice was appreciative.

"Idiots," Alice muttered.

Esme just glared at Edward.

I straightened up in my chair, focusing. This was my meeting.

"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," I said coolly. "Let's
vote."

I looked toward Edward this time; it would be better to get his opinion out of the way. "Do
you want me to join your family?"

His eyes were hard and black as flint. "Not that way. You're staying human."

I nodded once, keeping my face businesslike, and then moved on.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?"

"Yes," he said, voice grave. I was a little surprised ¬I hadn't been at all sure of his vote¬ but I
suppressed my reaction and moved on.

"Rosalie?"

She hesitated, biting down on her full, perfect bottom lip. "No."

I kept my face blank and turned my head slightly to move on, but she held up both her hands,
palms forward.



"Let me explain," she pleaded. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's
just that... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone
there to vote no for me."

I nodded slowly, and then turned to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" He grinned. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

I was still grimacing at that when I looked at Esme.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."

"Thank you, Esme," I murmured as I turned toward Carlisle.

I was suddenly nervous, wishing I had asked for his vote first. I was sure that this was the
vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than any majority.

Carlisle wasn't looking at me.

"Edward," he said.

"No," Edward growled. His jaw was strained tight, his lips curled back from his teeth.

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to live without
her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

Edward dropped my hand, shoving away from the table. He stalked out of the room, snarling
under his breath.

"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed.

I was still staring after Edward. "Thanks," I mumbled.

An earsplitting crash echoed from the other room.

I flinched, and spoke quickly. "That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel
exactly the same way about all of you, too." My voice was jagged with emotion by the end.

Esme was at my side in a flash, her cold arms around me.

"Dearest Bella," she breathed.

I hugged her back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rosalie looking down at the table,
and I realized that my words could be construed in two ways.

"Well, Alice," I said when Esme released me. "Where do you want to do this?"

Alice stared at me, her eyes widening with terror.



"No! No! NO!" Edward roared, charging back into the room. He was in my face before I had
time to blink, bending over me, his expression twisted in rage. "Are you insane?" he shouted.
"Have you utterly lost your mind?"

I cringed away, my hands over my ears.

"Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need
to prepare..."

"You promised," I reminded her, glaring under Edward's arm.

"I know, but... Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to not kill you."

"You can do it," I encouraged. "I trust you."

Edward snarled in fury.

Alice shook her head quickly, looking panicked.

"Carlisle?" I turned to look at him.

Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out,
palm toward Carlisle.

Carlisle ignored that. "I'm able to do it," he answered my question. I wished I could see his
expression. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good." I hoped he could understand; it was hard to talk clearly the way Edward held
my jaw.

"Hold on," Edward said between his teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," I said, the words coming out distorted.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can," I said sourly. "Now let go of me."

He freed my face, and folded his arms across his chest. "In about two hours, Charlie will be
here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them." But I frowned.

This was always the hardest part. Charlie, Renee. Now Jacob, too. The people I would lose,
the people I would hurt. I wished there was some way that I could be the only one to suffer,
but I knew that was impossible.

At the same time, I was hurting them more by staying human. Putting Charlie in constant
danger through my proximity. Putting Jake in worse danger still by drawing his enemies
across the land he felt bound to protect. And Renee ¬I couldn't even risk a visit to see my
own mother for fear of bringing my deadly problems along with me!

I was a danger magnet; I'd accepted that about myself.

Accepting this, I knew I needed to be able to take care of myself and protect the ones I
loved, even if that meant that I couldn't be with them. I needed to be strong.

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," Edward said, still talking through his gritted
teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very
least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.

I thought about Charlie's reaction when he woke up this morning, if¬ after all that life had put
him through in the last week with Harry's loss, and then I had put him through with my
unexplained disappearance ¬he were to find my bed empty. Charlie deserved better than that.
It was just a little more time; graduation wasn't so far away...

I pursed my lips. "I'll consider it."

Edward relaxed. His jaw unclenched.

"I should probably take you home," he said, more calm now, but clearly in a hurry to get me
out of here. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

I looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?"

"You have my word."

I took a deep breath, smiled, and turned back to Edward. "Okay. You can take me home."

Edward rushed me out of the house before Carlisle could promise me anything else. He took
me out the back, so I didn't get to see what was broken in the living room.

It was a quiet trip home. I was feeling triumphant, and a little smug. Scared stiff, too, of
course, but I tried not to think about that part. It did me no good to worry about the pain ¬the
physical or the emotion al¬so I wouldn't. Not until I absolutely had to.

When we got to my house, Edward didn't pause. He dashed up the wall and through my
window in half a second. Then he pulled my arms from around his neck and set me on the
bed.

I thought I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, but his expression surprised me.
Instead of furious, it was calculating. He paced silently back and forth across my dark room
while I watched with growing suspicion.



"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," I told him.

"Shh. I'm thinking."

"Ugh," I groaned, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.

There was no sound, but suddenly he was there. He flipped the cover back so he could see
me. He was lying next to me. His hand reached up to brush my hair from my cheek.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long
as I can stand. Now... tell me something."

"What?" I asked, unwilling.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

I could feel the skepticism in my eyes. "You."

He shook his head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."

I wasn't sure where he was trying to lead me, so I thought carefully before I answered. I came
up with something that was both true, and also probably impossible.

"I would want... Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."

I watched his reaction warily, expecting more of the fury I'd seen at his house. I was
surprised that his expression didn't change. It was still calculating, thoughtful.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

I couldn't believe my ears. I gawked at his composed face and blurted out the answer before I
could think about it.

"Anything."

He smiled faintly, and then pursed his lips. "Five years?"

My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror.

"You said anything," he reminded me.

"Yes, but... you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot.
Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human¬ for me, at least. So, anything but that."

He frowned. "Three years?"

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all? "



I thought about how much I wanted this. Better to keep a poker face, I decided, and not let
him know how very much that was. It would give me more leverage. "Six months?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," I said. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your
teens forever, then so am I."

He thought for a minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one ¬then
you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" My voice went flat. "What condition?"

His eyes were cautious ¬he spoke slowly. "Marry me first."

I stared at him, waiting... "Okay. What's the punch line?"

He sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a
joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious." He gazed at me with no hint of humor in his face.

"Oh, c'mon," I said, an edge of hysteria in my voice. "I'm only eighteen."

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

I looked away, out the dark window, trying to control the panic before it gave me away.

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the
kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean."

He inhaled deeply. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment," his voice was
disbelieving, and I understood what he meant.

"That's not it exactly," I hedged. "I'm... afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions
on getting married before you're thirty."

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married." He laughed
darkly.

"You think you're joking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to
bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire..." He shook his head. "If you're
not brave enough to marry me, then¬"

"Well," I interrupted. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I
be a vampire in three days?"

He smiled, his teeth flashing in the dark. "Sure," he said, calling my bluff. "I'll get my car."

"Dammit." I muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal," he said, grinning. "I like this condition."

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want." He shrugged, and his smile became absolutely angelic.

"You're impossible," I groaned. "A monster."

He chuckled. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

I groaned again.

He leaned toward me; his night-dark eyes melted and smoldered and shattered my
concentration. "Please, Bella?" he breathed.

I forgot how to breathe for a moment. When I recovered, I shook my head quickly, trying to
clear my suddenly clouded mind.

"Would this have gone better if I d had time to get a ring.'"

"No! No rings!" I very nearly shouted.

"Now you've done it," he whispered.

"Oops."

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," Edward said with resignation.

My heart stopped beating.

He gauged my expression for a second. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet,
then?"

"No," I whispered eagerly. "Stay. Please."



Edward smiled and disappeared.

I seethed in the darkness as I waited for Charlie to check on me. Edward knew exactly what
he was doing, and I was willing to bet that all the injured surprise was part of the ploy. Of
course, I still had the Carlisle option, but now that I knew there was a chance that Edward
would change me himself, I wanted it bad. He was such a cheater.

My door cracked open.

"Morning, Dad."

"Oh, hey, Bella." He sounded embarrassed at getting caught. "I didn't know you were
awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." I started to get
up.

"Hold on," Charlie said, flipping the light on. I blinked in the sudden brightness, and carefully
kept my eyes away from the closet. "Let's talk for a minute first."

I couldn't control my grimace. I'd forgotten to ask Alice for a good excuse.

"You know you're in trouble."

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're
gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you
were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you
were or when ¬or if ¬you were coming back. Do you have any idea how... how..." He
couldn't finish the sentence. He sucked in a sharp breath and moved on. "Can you give me
one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

My eyes narrowed. So it was going to be threats, was it? Two could play at that game. I sat
up, pulling the quilt around me. "Because I won't go."

"Now just one minute, young lady¬"

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to
ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until
you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me
out, too¬ but that won't make me to go to Florida."

His face turned bright red. He took a few deep breaths before he answered.

"Would you like to explain where you've been?"

Oh, crap. "There was... an emergency."

He raised his eyebrows in expectation of my brilliant explanation.

I filled my cheeks with air and then blew it out noisily. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad.
It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."

He waited with a distrustful expression.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff..." I was scrambling frantically to
make this work, to keep it as close to the truth as possible so that my inability to lie
convincingly would not undermine the excuse, but before I could go on, Charlie's expression
reminded me that he didn't know anything about the cliff.

Major oops. As if I wasn't already toast.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," I choked out. "It was nothing. Just messing around,
swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of
accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer
his phone, so Alice dragged me to... L.A., to explain in person." I shrugged, desperately
hoping that he would not be so distracted by my slip that he'd miss the brilliant explanation
I'd provided.

Charlie's face was frozen. "Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?"

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the
time. Like I said, nothing."

Charlie's face heated up ¬from frozen to hot with fury. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?"
he barked. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word¬"

I interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding."

His face flushed again. "So is he back then?"

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are."

He shook his head, the vein in his forehead pulsing. "I want you to stay away from him,
Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"Fine," I said curtly.

Charlie rocked back onto his heels. "Oh." He scrambled for a second, exhaling loudly in
surprise. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am." I stared straight into his eyes. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

His eyes bulged; his face turned puce. My resolve wavered as I started to worry about his
health. He was no younger than Harry...

"Dad, I don't want to move out," I said in a softer tone. "I love you. I know you're worried,
but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want
me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." I said it with confidence.
The conviction of my epiphany was still strong.

"Not under my roof," Charlie stormed.

I sighed a heavy sigh. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight¬ or I
guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that
Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella¬"

"Think it over," I insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I
really need a shower."

Charlie's face was a strange shade of purple, but he left, slamming the door behind him. I
heard him stomp furiously down the stairs.

I threw off my quilt, and Edward was already there, sitting in the rocking chair as if he d
been present through the whole conversation.

"Sorry about that," I whispered.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," he murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie
over me, please. "

"Don't worry about it," I breathed as I gathered up my bathroom things and a set of clean
clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying
to tell me I have nowhere to go?" I widened my eyes with false alarm.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides..." I grinned. "If Charlie kicks
me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

His jaw tightened. "So eager for eternal damnation," he muttered.

"You know you don't really believe that."

"Oh, don't I?" he fumed.

"No. You don't."

He glowered at me and started to speak, but I cut him off.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you
would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both
dead together. But you didn't¬ you said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right,'" I reminded him,
triumphant. "There's hope in you, after all."

For once, Edward was speechless.

"So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" I suggested. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't
need heaven."

He got up slowly, and came to put his hands on either side of my face as he stared into my
eyes. "Forever," he vowed, still a little staggered.

"That's all I'm asking for," I said, and stretched up on my toes so that I could press my lips to
his.

Categories: New Moon

New Moon - Chapter 22

Flight

 DEMETRI LEFT US IN THE CHEERFULLY OPULENT RECEPTION area, where the
woman Gianna was still at her post behind the polished counter. Bright, harmless music
tinkled from hidden speakers.

"Do not leave until dark," he warned us.

Edward nodded, and Demetri hurried away.

Gianna did not seem at all surprised by the exchange, though she did eye Edward's borrowed
cloak with shrewd speculation.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked under his breath, to low for the human woman to hear.
His voice was rough¬ if velvet can be rough¬ with anxiety. Still stressed by our situation, I
imagined.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice said. "She's going to pieces."

It was only then that I realize I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire frame vibrating until my
teeth chattered and the room around me seemed to wobble and blur in my eyes. For one wild
second, I wondered if this was how Jacob felt just before exploding into a werewolf.

I heard a sound that didn't make sense, a strange, ripping counterpart to the otherwise cheery
background music. Distracted by the shaking, I couldn't tell where it was coming from.

"Shh, Bella, shh," Edward said as he pulled me to the sofa farthest away from the curious
human at the desk.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.

Edward threw a frantic glance at her.

Then I understood. Oh. The noise was me. The ripping sound was the sobs coming from my
chest. That's what was shaking me.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," he chanted again and again. He pulled me onto his lap
and tucked the thick wool cloak around me, protecting me from his cold skin.

I knew it was stupid to react like this. Who knew how much time I had to look at his race?
He was saved, and I was saved, and he could leave me as soon as we were free. To have my
eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful¬ insanity.

But, behind my eyes where the tears could not wash the image away, I could still see the
panicked face of the tiny woman with the rosary.

"All those people," I sobbed.



"I know," he whispered.

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that."

I rested my head against his cold chest, using the thick cloak to wipe my eyes. I took a few
deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

"Is there anything I can get you?" a voice asked politely. It was Gianna, leaning over
Edward's shoulder with a look that was both concerned and yet still professional and
detached at the same time. It didn't seem to bother her that her face was inches from a hostile
vampire. She was either totally oblivious, or very good at her job.

"No," Edward answered coldly.

She nodded, smiled at me, and then disappeared.

I waited until she was out of hearing range. "Does she know what's going on here?" I
demanded, my voice low and hoarse. I was getting control of myself, my breathing evening
out.

"Yes. She knows everything," Edward told me.

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She's knows it's a possibility," he said.

That surprised me.

Edward's face was hard to read. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

I felt the blood leave my face. "She wants to be one of them?"

He nodded once, his eyes sharp on my face, watching my reaction.

I shuddered. "How can she want that?" I whispered, more to myself than really looking for an
answer. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be
a part of that?"

Edward didn't answer. His expression twisted in response to something I'd said.

As I stared at his too beautiful face, trying to understand the change, it suddenly struck me
that I was really here, in Edward's arms, however fleetingly, and that we were not ¬at this
exact moment¬ about to be killed.

"Oh, Edward," I cried, and I was sobbing again. It was such a stupid reaction. The tears were
too thick for me to see his face again, and that was inexcusable. I only had until sunset for



sure. Like a fairy tale again, with deadlines that ended the magic.

"What's wrong?" he asked, still anxious, rubbing my back with gentle pats.

I wrapped my arms around his neck ¬what was the worst he could do? Just push me
away ¬and hugged myself closer to him. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" I
asked. My voice broke twice.

He didn't push me away. He pulled me tight against his ice-hard chest, so tight it was hard to
breathe, even with my lungs securely intact. "I know exactly what you mean," he whispered.
"But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes," I agreed. "That's a good one."

"And together," he breathed. His breath was so sweet it made my head swim.

I just nodded, sure that he did not place the same weight on that consideration as I did.

"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"Hopefully," I said uneasily.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice assured me. She'd been so quiet, I'd almost forgotten her
presence. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours," she added in a satisfied tone.

Lucky Alice. She could trust her future.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of Edward's face for long. I stared at him, wishing more than
anything that the future would never happen. That this moment would last forever, or, if it
couldn't, that I would stop existing when it did.

Edward stared right back at me, his dark eyes soft, and it was easy to pretend that he felt the
same way. So that's what I did. I pretended, to make the moment sweeter.

His fingertips traced the circles under my eyes. "You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty," I whispered back, studying the purple bruises under his black irises.

He shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," I offered, unwilling; I'd rather he killed me now than
move one inch from where I was.

"Don't be ridiculous." He sighed; his sweet breath caressed my face. "I've never been in
better control of that side of my nature than right now."

I had a million questions for him. One of them bubbled to my lips now, but I held my tongue.
I didn't want to ruin the moment, as imperfect as it was, here in this room that made me sick,



under the eyes of the would-be monster.

Here in his arms, it was so easy to fantasize that he wanted me. I didn't want to think about
his motivations now ¬about whether he acted this way to keep me calm while we were still in
danger, or if he just felt guilty for where we were and relieved that he wasn't responsible for
my death. Maybe the time apart had been enough that I didn't bore him for the moment. But
it didn't matter. I was so much happier pretending.

I lay quiet in his arms, re-memorizing his face, pretending...

He stared at my face like he was doing the same, while he and Alice discussed how to get
home. Their voices were so quick and low that I knew Gianna couldn't understand. I missed
half of it myself. It sounded like more theft would be involved, though. I wondered idly if the
yellow Porsche had made it back to its owner yet.

"What was all that talk about singers?" Alice asked at one point.

"La tua cantante," Edward said. His voice made the words into music.

"Yes, that," Alice said, and I concentrated for a moment. I'd wondered about that, too, at the
time.

I felt Edward shrug around me. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella
does to me. They call her my singer ¬because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed.

I was tired enough to sleep, but I fought against the weariness. I wasn't going to miss a
second of the time I had with him. Now and then, as he talked with Alice, he would lean
down suddenly and kiss me¬ his glass-smooth lips brushing against my hair, my forehead, the
tip of my nose. Each time it was like an electric shock to my long dormant heart. The sound
of its beating seemed to fill the entire room.

It was heaven¬ right smack in the middle of hell.

I lost track of the time completely. So when Edward's arms tightened around me, and both
he and Alice looked to the back of the room with wary eyes, I panicked. I cringed into
Edward's chest as Alec ¬his eyes now a vivid ruby, but still spotless in his light gray suit
despite the afternoon meal ¬walked through the double doors.

It was good news.

"You're free to leave now," Alec told us, his tone so warm you'd think we were all lifelong
friends. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

Edward made no answering pretence; his voice was ice cold. "That won't be a problem."

Alec smiled, nodded, and disappeared again.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna told us as
Edward helped me to my feet. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street.
Goodbye, now," she added pleasantly. I wondered if her competence would be enough to
save her.

Alice shot her a dark look.

I was relieved there was another way out; I wasn't sure if I could handle another tour through
the underground.

We left through a tastefully luxurious lobby. I was the only one who glanced back at the
medieval castle that housed the elaborate business facade I couldn't see the turret from here,
for which I was grateful.

The party was still in full swing in the streets. The street lamps were just coming on as we
walked swiftly through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead,
but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker.

The party was darker, too. Edward's long, trailing cloak did not stand out in the way it might
have on a normal evening in Volterra. There were others in black satin cloaks now, and the
plastic fangs I'd seen on the child in the square today seemed to be very popular with the
adults.

"Ridiculous," Edward muttered once.

I didn't notice when Alice disappeared from beside me. I looked over to ask her a question,
and she was gone.

"Where's Alice?" I whispered in a panic.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

I'd forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably.

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" I guessed.

He grinned. "Not till we're outside."

It seemed like a very long way to the entryway. Edward could see that I was spent; he wound
his arm around my waist and supported most of my weight as we walked.

I shuddered as he pulled me through the dark stone archway. The huge, ancient portcullis
above was like a cage door, threatening to drop on us, to lock us in.

He led me toward a dark car, waiting in a pool of shadow to the right of the gate with the
engine running. To my surprise, he slid into the backseat with me, instead of insisting on
driving.

Alice was apologetic. "I'm sorry." She gestured vaguely toward the dashboard. "There wasn't
much to choose from."

"It's fine, Alice." He grinned. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

"I'll get you one for Christmas," Edward promised.

Alice turned to beam at him, which worried me, as she was already speeding down the dark
and curvy hillside at the same time.

"Yellow," she told him.

Edward kept me tight in his arms. Inside the gray cloak, I was warm and comfortable. More
than comfortable.

"You can sleep now, Bella," he murmured. "It's over."

I knew he meant the danger, the nightmare in the ancient city, but I still had to swallow hard
before I could answer.

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." Just the second part was a lie. I wasn't about to close
my eyes. The car was only dimly lit by the dashboard controls, but it was enough that I could
see his face.

He pressed his lips to the hollow under my ear. "Try," he encouraged.

I shook my head.

He sighed. "You're still just as stubborn."

I was stubborn; I fought with my heavy lids, and I won.

The dark road was the hardest part; the bright lights at the airport in Florence made it easier,
as did the chance to brush my teeth and change into clean clothes; Alice bought Edward new
clothes, too, and he left the dark cloak on a pile of trash in an alley. The plane trip to Rome
was so short that there wasn't really a chance for the fatigue to drag me under. I knew the
flight from Rome to Atlanta would be another matter entirely, so I asked the flight attendant
if she could bring me a Coke.

"Bella," Edward said disapprovingly. He knew my low tolerance for caffeine.

Alice was behind us. I could hear her murmuring to Jasper on the phone.



"I don't want to sleep," I reminded him. I gave him an excuse that was believable because it
was true. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

He didn't argue with me after that.

It would have been a very good time to talk, to get the answers I needed¬ needed but not
really wanted; I was already despairing at the thought of what I might hear. We had an
uninterrupted block of tire ahead of us, and he couldn't escape me on an airplane ¬well, not
easily, at least. No one would hear us except Alice; it was late, and most of the passengers
were turning off lights and asking for pillows in muted voices. Talk would help me fight off
the exhaustion.

But, perversely, I bit my tongue against the flood of questions. My reasoning was probably
flawed by exhaustion, but I hoped that by postponing the discussion, I could buy a few more
hours with him at some later time¬ spin this out for another night, Scheherazade-style.

So I kept drinking soda, and resisting even the urge to blink. Edward seemed perfectly
content to hold me in his arms, his fingers tracing my face again and again. I touched his
face, too. I couldn't stop myself, though I was afraid it would hurt me later, when I was alone
again. He continued to kiss my hair, my forehead, my wrists... but never my lips, and that
was good. After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep
beating? I'd lived through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days, but it didn't
make me feel strong. Instead, I felt horribly fragile, like one word could shatter me.

Edward didn't speak. Maybe he was hoping I would sleep. Maybe he had nothing to say.

I won the fight against my heavy lids. I was awake when we reached the airport in Atlanta,
and I even watched the sun beginning to rise over Seattle's cloud cover before Edward slid
the window shut. I was proud of myself. I hadn't missed one minute.

Neither Alice nor Edward was surprised by the reception that waited for us at Sea-Tac
airport, but it caught me off guard. Jasper was the first one I saw¬ he didn't seem to see me at
all. His eyes were only for Alice. She went quickly to his side; they didn't embrace like other
couples meeting there. They only stared into each other's faces, yet, somehow, the moment
was so private that I still felt the need to look away.

Carlisle and Esme waited in a quiet corner far from the line for the metal detectors, in the
shadow of a wide pillar. Esme reached for me, hugging me fiercely, yet awkwardly, because
Edward kept his arms around me, too.

"Thank you so much," she said in my ear.

Then she threw her arms around Edward, and she looked like she would be crying if that
were possible.

"You will never put me through that again," she nearly growled.

Edward grinned, repentant. "Sorry, Mom."

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "We owe you."

"Hardly," I mumbled. The sleepless night was suddenly overpowering. My head felt
disconnected from my body.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded Edward. "Let's get her home."

Not sure if home was what I wanted at this point, I stumbled, half-blind, through the airport,
Edward dragging me on one side and Esme on the other. I didn't know if Alice and Jasper
were behind us or not, and I was too exhausted to look.

I think I was mostly asleep, though I was still walking, when we reached their car. The
surprise of seeing Emmett and Rosalie leaning against the black sedan under the dim lights of
the parking garage revived me some. Edward stiffened.

"Don't," Esme whispered. "She feels awful."

"She should," Edward said, making no attempt to keep his voice down.

"It's not her fault," I said, my words garbled with exhaustion.

"Let her make amends," Esme pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

Edward glowered at the absurdly lovely blond vampire waiting for us.

"Please, Edward," I said. I didn't want to ride with Rosalie any more than he seemed to, but
I'd caused more than enough discord in his family.

He sighed, and towed me toward the car.

Emmett and Rosalie got in the front seat without speaking, while Edward pulled me in the
back again. I knew I wasn't going to be able to fight my eyelids anymore, and I laid my head
against his chest in defeat, letting them close. I felt the car purr to life.

"Edward," Rosalie began.

"I know." Edward's brusque tone was not generous.

"Bella?" Rosalie asked softly.

My eyelids fluttered open in shock. It was the first time she'd ever spoken directly to me.

"Yes, Rosalie?" I asked, hesitant.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you
were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."



The words were awkward, stilted because of her embarrassment, but they seemed sincere.

"Of course, Rosalie," I mumbled, grasping at any chance to make her hate me a little less.
"It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."

The words came out like mush.

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett chuckled.

"I'm conscious," I said; it just sounded like a garbled sigh.

"Let her sleep," Edward insisted, but his voice was a little warmer.

It was quiet then, except for the gentle thrum of the engine. I must have fallen asleep,
because it seemed like seconds later when the door opened and Edward was carrying me
from the car. My eyes wouldn't open. At first I thought we were still at the airport.

And then I heard Charlie.

"Bella!" he shouted from some distance.

"Charlie," I mumbled, trying to shake off the stupor.

"Shh," Edward whispered. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie bellowed at Edward, his
voice much closer now.

"Stop it, Dad," I groaned. He didn't hear me.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie demanded.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," Edward assured him quietly. "Please let her rest."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Charlie yelled. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

Edward tried to pass me to Charlie, but I clung to him with locked, tenacious fingers. I could
feel my dad yanking on my arm.

"Cut it out, Dad," I said with more volume. I managed to drag my lids back to stare at
Charlie with bleary eyes. "Be mad at me."

We were in front of my house. The front door was standing open. The cloud cover overhead
was too thick to guess at a time of day.

"You bet I will be," Charlie promised. "Get inside." '"Kay. Let me down," I sighed.

Edward set me on my feet. I could see that I was upright, but I couldn't feel my legs. I
trudged forward anyway, until the sidewalk swirled up toward my face. Edward's arms
caught me before I hit the concrete.

"Just let me get her upstairs," Edward said. "Then I'll leave."

"No," I cried, panicking. I hadn't got my answers yet. He had to stay for at least that much,
didn't he?

"I won't be far," Edward promised, whispering so low in my ear that Charlie didn't have a
hope of hearing.

I didn't hear Charlie answer, but Edward headed into the house. My open eyes only made it
till the stairs. The last thing I felt was Edward's cool hands prying my fingers loose from his
shirt.

Categories: New Moon