Nightmare
I told Charlie I had a lot of homework to do, and that I didn't want anything to eat.
There was a basketball game on that he was excited about, though of course I had no idea
what was special about it, so he wasn't aware of anything unusual in my face or tone.
Once in my room, I locked the door. I dug through my desk until I found my old
headphones, and I plugged them into my little CD player. I picked up a CD that Phil had
given to me for Christmas. It was one of his favorite bands, but they used a little too
much bass and shrieking for my tastes. I popped it into place and lay down on my bed. I
put on the headphones, hit Play, and turned up the volume until it hurt my ears. I closed
my eyes, but the light still intruded, so I added a pillow over the top half of my face.
I concentrated very carefully on the music, trying to understand the lyrics, to unravel
the complicated drum patterns. By the third time I'd listened through the CD, I knew all
the words to the choruses, at least. I was surprised to find that I really did like the band
after all, once I got past the blaring noise. I'd have to thank Phil again.
And it worked. The shattering beats made it impossible for me to think — which was
the whole purpose of the exercise. I listened to the CD again and again, until I was
singing along with all the songs, until, finally, I fell asleep.
I opened my eyes to a familiar place. Aware in some corner of my consciousness that I
was dreaming, I recognized the green light of the forest. I could hear the waves crashing
against the rocks somewhere nearby. And I knew that if I found the ocean, I'd be able to
see the sun. I was trying to follow the sound, but then Jacob Black was there, tugging on
my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.
"Jacob? What's wrong?" I asked. His face was frightened as he yanked with all his
strength against my resistance; I didn't want to go into the dark.
"Run, Bella, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified.
"This way, Bella!" I recognized Mike's voice calling out of the gloomy heart of the
trees, but I couldn't see him.
"Why?" I asked, still pulling against Jacob's grasp, desperate now to find the sun.
But Jacob let go of my hand and yelped, suddenly shaking, falling to the dim forest
floor. He twitched on the ground as I watched in horror.
"Jacob!" I screamed. But he was gone. In his place was a large red-brown wolf with
black eyes. The wolf faced away from me, pointing toward the shore, the hair on the back
of his shoulders bristling, low growls issuing from between his exposed fangs.
"Bella, run!" Mike cried out again from behind me. But I didn't turn. I was watching a
light coming toward me from the beach.
And then Edward stepped out from the trees, his skin faintly glowing, his eyes black
and dangerous. He held up one hand and beckoned me to come to him. The wolf growled
at my feet.
I took a step forward, toward Edward. He smiled then, and his teeth were sharp,
pointed.
"Trust me," he purred.
I took another step.
The wolf launched himself across the space between me and the vampire, fangs aiming
for the jugular.
"No!" I screamed, wrenching upright out of my bed.
My sudden movement caused the headphones to pull the CD player off the bedside
table, and it clattered to the wooden floor.
My light was still on, and I was sitting fully dressed on the bed, with my shoes on. I
glanced, disoriented, at the clock on my dresser. It was five-thirty in the morning.
I groaned, fell back, and rolled over onto my face, kicking off my boots. I was too
uncomfortable to get anywhere near sleep, though. I rolled back over and unbuttoned my
jeans, yanking them off awkwardly as I tried to stay horizontal. I could feel the braid in
my hair, an uncomfortable ridge along the back of my skull. I turned onto my side and
ripped the rubber band out, quickly combing through the plaits with my fingers. I pulled
the pillow back over my eyes.
It was all no use, of course. My subconscious had dredged up exactly the images I'd
been trying so desperately to avoid. I was going to have to face them now.
I sat up, and my head spun for a minute as the blood flowed downward. First things
first, I thought to myself, happy to put it off as long as possible. I grabbed my bathroom
bag.
The shower didn't last nearly as long as I hoped it would, though. Even taking the time
to blow-dry my hair, I was soon out of things to do in the bathroom. Wrapped in a towel,
I crossed back to my room. I couldn't tell if Charlie was still asleep, or if he had already
left. I went to look out my window, and the cruiser was gone. Fishing again.
I dressed slowly in my most comfy sweats and then made my bed — something I never
did. I couldn't put it off any longer. I went to my desk and switched on my old computer.
I hated using the Internet here. My modem was sadly outdated, my free service
substandard; just dialing up took so long that I decided to go get myself a bowl of cereal
while I waited.
I ate slowly, chewing each bite with care. When I was done, I washed the bowl and
spoon, dried them, and put them away. My feet dragged as I climbed the stairs. I went to
my CD player first, picking it up off the floor and placing it precisely in the center of the
table. I pulled out the headphones, and put them away in the desk drawer. Then I turned
the same CD on, turning it down to the point where it was background noise.
With another sigh, I turned to my computer. Naturally, the screen was covered in popup
ads. I sat in my hard folding chair and began closing all the little windows. Eventually
I made it to my favorite search engine. I shot down a few more pop-ups and then typed in
one word.
Vampire.
It took an infuriatingly long time, of course. When the results came up, there was a lot
to sift through — everything from movies and TV shows to role-playing games,
underground metal, and gothic cosmetic companies.
Then I found a promising site — Vampires A—Z. I waited impatiently for it to load,
quickly clicking closed each ad that flashed across the screen. Finally the screen was
finished — simple white background with black text, academic-looking. Two quotes
greeted me on the home page:
Throughout the vast shadowy world of ghosts and demons there is no figure so terrible,
no figure so dreaded and abhorred, yet dight with such fearful fascination, as the
vampire, who is himself neither ghost nor demon, but yet who partakes the dark natures
and possesses the mysterious and terrible qualities of both. —Rev. Montague Summers
If there is in this world a well-attested account, it is that of the vampires. Nothing is
lacking: official reports, affidavits of well-known people, of surgeons, of priests, of
magistrates; the judicial proof is most complete. And with all that, who is there who
believes in vampires? —Rousseau
The rest of the site was an alphabetized listing of all the different myths of vampires
held throughout the world. The first I clicked on, the Danag, was a Filipino vampire
supposedly responsible for planting taro on the islands long ago. The myth continued that
the Danag worked with humans for many years, but the partnership ended one day when
a woman cut her finger and a Danag sucked her wound, enjoying the taste so much that it
drained her body completely of blood.
I read carefully through the descriptions, looking for anything that sounded familiar, let
alone plausible. It seemed that most vampire myths centered around beautiful women as
demons and children as victims; they also seemed like constructs created to explain away
the high mortality rates for young children, and to give men an excuse for infidelity.
Many of the stories involved bodiless spirits and warnings against improper burials.
There wasn't much that sounded like the movies I'd seen, and only a very few, like the
Hebrew Estrie and the Polish Upier, who were even preoccupied with drinking blood.
Only three entries really caught my attention: the Romanian Varacolaci, a powerful
undead being who could appear as a beautiful, pale-skinned human, the Slovak Nelapsi, a
creature so strong and fast it could massacre an entire village in the single hour after
midnight, and one other, the Stregoni benefici.
About this last there was only one brief sentence.
Stregoni benefici: An Italian vampire, said to be on the side of goodness, and a mortal
enemy of all evil vampires.
It was a relief, that one small entry, the one myth among hundreds that claimed the
existence of good vampires.
Overall, though, there was little that coincided with Jacob's stories or my own
observations. I'd made a little catalogue in my mind as I'd read and carefully compared it
with each myth. Speed, strength, beauty, pale skin, eyes that shift color; and then Jacob's
criteria: blood drinkers, enemies of the werewolf, cold-skinned, and immortal. There
were very few myths that matched even one factor.
And then another problem, one that I'd remembered from the small number of scary
movies that I'd seen and was backed up by today's reading — vampires couldn't come out
in the daytime, the sun would burn them to a cinder. They slept in coffins all day and
came out only at night.
Aggravated, I snapped off the computer's main power switch, not waiting to shut things
down properly. Through my irritation, I felt overwhelming embarrassment. It was all so
stupid. I was sitting in my room, researching vampires. What was wrong with me? I
decided that most of the blame belonged on the doorstep of the town of Forks — and the
entire sodden Olympic Peninsula, for that matter.
I had to get out of the house, but there was nowhere I wanted to go that didn't involve a
three-day drive. I pulled on my boots anyway, unclear where I was headed, and went
downstairs. I shrugged into my raincoat without checking the weather and stomped out
the door.
It was overcast, but not raining yet. I ignored my truck and started east on foot, angling
across Charlie's yard toward the ever-encroaching forest. It didn't take long till I was deep
enough for the house and the road to be invisible, for the only sound to be the squish of
the damp earth under my feet and the sudden cries of the jays.
There was a thin ribbon of a trail that led through the forest here, or I wouldn't risk
wandering on my own like this. My sense of direction was hopeless; I could get lost in
much less helpful surroundings. The trail wound deeper and deeper into the forest, mostly
east as far as I could tell. It snaked around the Sitka spruces and the hemlocks, the yews
and the maples. I only vaguely knew the names of the trees around me, and all I knew
was due to Charlie pointing them out to me from the cruiser window in earlier days.
There were many I didn't know, and others I couldn't be sure about because they were so
covered in green parasites.
I followed the trail as long as my anger at myself pushed me forward. As that started to
ebb, I slowed. A few drops of moisture trickled down from the canopy above me, but I
couldn't be certain if it was beginning to rain or if it was simply pools left over from
yesterday, held high in the leaves above me, slowly dripping their way back to the earth.
A recently fallen tree — I knew it was recent because it wasn't entirely carpeted in moss
— rested against the trunk of one of her sisters, creating a sheltered little bench just a few
safe feet off the trail. I stepped over the ferns and sat carefully, making sure my jacket
was between the damp seat and my clothes wherever they touched, and leaned my
hooded head back against the living tree.
This was the wrong place to have come. I should have known, but where else was there
to go? The forest was deep green and far too much like the scene in last night's dream to
allow for peace of mind. Now that there was no longer the sound of my soggy footsteps,
the silence was piercing. The birds were quiet, too, the drops increasing in frequency, so
it must be raining above. The ferns stood higher than my head, now that I was seated, and
I knew someone could walk by on the path, three feet away, and not see me.
Here in the trees it was much easier to believe the absurdities that embarrassed me
indoors. Nothing had changed in this forest for thousands of years, and all the myths and
legends of a hundred different lands seemed much more likely in this green haze than
they had in my clear-cut bedroom.
I forced myself to focus on the two most vital questions I had to answer, but I did so
unwillingly.
First, I had to decide if it was possible that what Jacob had said about the Cullens could
be true.
Immediately my mind responded with a resounding negative. It was silly and morbid to
entertain such ridiculous notions. But what, then? I asked myself. There was no rational
explanation for how I was alive at this moment. I listed again in my head the things I'd
observed myself: the impossible speed and strength, the eye color shifting from black to
gold and back again, the inhuman beauty, the pale, frigid skin. And more — small things
that registered slowly — how they never seemed to eat, the disturbing grace with which
they moved. And the way be sometimes spoke, with unfamiliar cadences and phrases that better fit the style of a
turn-of-the-century novel than that of a twenty-first-century classroom. He had skipped
class the day we'd done blood typing. He hadn't said no to the beach trip till he heard
where we were going. He seemed to know what everyone around him was thinking…
except me. He had told me he was the villain, dangerous…
Could the Cullens be vampires?
Well, they were something. Something outside the possibility of rational justification
was taking place in front of my incredulous eyes. Whether it be Jacob's cold ones or my
own superhero theory, Edward Cullen was not… human. He was something more.
So then — maybe. That would have to be my answer for now.
And then the most important question of all. What was I going to do if it was true?
If Edward was a vampire — I could hardly make myself think the words — then what
should I do? Involving someone else was definitely out. I couldn't even believe myself;
anyone I told would have me committed.
Only two options seemed practical. The first was to take his advice: to be smart, to
avoid him as much as possible. To cancel our plans, to go back to ignoring him as far as I
was able. To pretend there was an impenetrably thick glass wall between us in the one
class where we were forced together. To tell him to leave me alone — and mean it this
time.
I was gripped in a sudden agony of despair as I considered that alternative. My mind
rejected the pain, quickly skipping on to the next option.
I could do nothing different. After all, if he was something… sinister, he'd done nothing
to hurt me so far. In fact, I would be a dent in Tyler's fender if he hadn't acted so quickly.
So quickly, I argued with myself, that it might have been sheer reflexes. But if it was a
reflex to save lives, how bad could he be? I retorted. My head spun around in answerless
circles.
There was one thing I was sure of, if I was sure of anything. The dark Edward in my
dream last night was a reflection only of my fear of the word Jacob had spoken, and not
Edward himself. Even so, when I'd screamed out in terror at the werewolf's lunge, it
wasn't fear for the wolf that brought the cry of "no" to my lips. It was fear that he would
be harmed — even as he called to me with sharp-edged fangs, I feared for him.
And I knew in that I had my answer. I didn't know if there ever was a choice, really. I
was already in too deep. Now that I knew —if I knew — I could do nothing about my
frightening secret. Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the
magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now.
Even if… but I couldn't think it. Not here, alone in the darkening forest. Not while the
rain made it dim as twilight under the canopy and pattered like footsteps across the
matted earthen floor. I shivered and rose quickly from my place of concealment, worried
that somehow the path would have disappeared with the rain.
But it was there, safe and clear, winding its way out of the dripping green maze. I
followed it hastily, my hood pulled close around my face, becoming surprised, as I nearly
ran through the trees, at how far I had come. I started to wonder if I was heading out at
all, or following the path farther into the confines of the forest. Before I could get too
panicky, though, I began to glimpse some open spaces through the webbed branches. And
then I could hear a car passing on the street, and I was free, Charlie's lawn stretched out
in front of me, the house beckoning me, promising warmth and dry socks.
It was just noon when I got back inside. I went upstairs and got dressed for the day,
jeans and a t-shirt, since I was staying indoors. It didn't take too much effort to
concentrate on my task for the day, a paper on Macbeth that was due Wednesday. I settled
into outlining a rough draft contentedly, more serene than I'd felt since… well, since
Thursday afternoon, if I was being honest.
That had always been my way, though. Making decisions was the painful part for me,
the part I agonized over. But once the decision was made, I simply followed through —
usually with relief that the choice was made. Sometimes the relief was tainted by despair,
like my decision to come to Forks. But it was still better than wrestling with the
alternatives.
This decision was ridiculously easy to live with. Dangerously easy.
And so the day was quiet, productive — I finished my paper before eight. Charlie came
home with a large catch, and I made a mental note to pick up a book of recipes for fish
while I was in Seattle next week. The chills that flashed up my spine whenever I thought
of that trip were no different than the ones I'd felt before I'd taken my walk with Jacob
Black. They should be different, I thought. I should be afraid — I knew I should be, but I
couldn't feel the right kind of fear.
I slept dreamlessly that night, exhausted from beginning my day so early, and sleeping
so poorly the night before. I woke, for the second time since arriving in Forks, to the
bright yellow light of a sunny day. I skipped to the window, stunned to see that there was
hardly a cloud in the sky, and those there were just fleecy little white puffs that couldn't
possibly be carrying any rain. I opened the window — surprised when it opened silently,
without sticking, not having opened it in who knows how many years — and sucked in
the relatively dry air. It was nearly warm and hardly windy at all. My blood was electric
in my veins.
Charlie was finishing breakfast when I came downstairs, and he picked up on my mood
immediately.
"Nice day out," he commented.
"Yes," I agreed with a grin.
He smiled back, his brown eyes crinkling around the edges. When Charlie smiled, it
was easier to see why he and my mother had jumped too quickly into an early marriage.
Most of the young romantic he'd been in those days had faded before I'd known him, as
the curly brown hair — the same color, if not the same texture, as mine — had dwindled,
slowly revealing more and more of the shiny skin of his forehead. But when he smiled I
could see a little of the man who had run away with Renée when she was just two years
older than I was now.
I ate breakfast cheerily, watching the dust moats stirring in the sunlight that streamed in
the back window. Charlie called out a goodbye, and I heard the cruiser pull away from
the house. I hesitated on my way out the door, hand on my rain jacket. It would be
tempting fate to leave it home. With a sigh, I folded it over my arm and stepped out into
the brightest light I'd seen in months.
By dint of much elbow grease, I was able to get both windows in the truck almost
completely rolled down. I was one of the first ones to school; I hadn't even checked the
clock in my hurry to get outside. I parked and headed toward the seldom-used picnic
benches on the south side of the cafeteria. The benches were still a little damp, so I sat on
my jacket, glad to have a use for it. My homework was done — the product of a slow
social life — but there were a few Trig problems I wasn't sure I had right. I took out my
book industriously, but halfway through rechecking the first problem I was daydreaming,
watching the sunlight play on the red-barked trees. I sketched inattentively along the
margins of my homework. After a few minutes, I suddenly realized I'd drawn five pairs of
dark eyes staring out of the page at me. I scrubbed them out with the eraser.
"Bella!" I heard someone call, and it sounded like Mike.
I looked around to realize that the school had become populated while I'd been sitting
there, absentminded. Everyone was in t-shirts, some even in shorts though the
temperature couldn't be over sixty. Mike was coming toward me in khaki shorts and a
striped Rugby shirt, waving.
"Hey, Mike," I called, waving back, unable to be halfhearted on a morning like this.
He came to sit by me, the tidy spikes of his hair shining golden in the light, his grin
stretching across his face. He was so delighted to see me, I couldn't help but feel
gratified.
"I never noticed before — your hair has red in it," he commented, catching between his
fingers a strand that was fluttering in the light breeze.
"Only in the sun."
I became just a little uncomfortable as he tucked the lock behind my ear.
"Great day, isn't it?"
"My kind of day," I agreed.
"What did you do yesterday?" His tone was just a bit too proprietary.
"I mostly worked on my essay." I didn't add that I was finished with it — no need to
sound smug.
He hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Oh yeah — that's due Thursday, right?"
"Um, Wednesday, I think."
"Wednesday?" He frowned. "That's not good… What are you writing yours on?"
"Whether Shakespeare's treatment of the female characters is misogynistic."
He stared at me like I'd just spoken in pig Latin.
"I guess I'll have to get to work on that tonight," he said, deflated. "I was going to ask if
you wanted to go out."
"Oh." I was taken off guard. Why couldn't I ever have a pleasant conversation with
Mike anymore without it getting awkward?
"Well, we could go to dinner or something… and I could work on it later." He smiled at
me hopefully.
"Mike…" I hated being put on the spot. "I don't think that would be the best idea."
His face fell. "Why?" he asked, his eyes guarded. My thoughts flickered to Edward,
wondering if that's where his thoughts were as well.
"I think… and if you ever repeat what I'm saying right now I will cheerfully beat you to
death," I threatened, "but I think that would hurt Jessica's feelings."
He was bewildered, obviously not thinking in that direction at all. "Jessica?"
"Really, Mike, are you blind ?"
"Oh," he exhaled — clearly dazed. I took advantage of that to make my escape.
"It's time for class, and I can't be late again." I gathered my books up and stuffed them
in my bag.
We walked in silence to building three, and his expression was distracted. I hoped
whatever thoughts he was immersed in were leading him in the right direction.
When I saw Jessica in Trig, she was bubbling with enthusiasm. She, Angela, and
Lauren were going to Port Angeles tonight to go dress shopping for the dance, and she
wanted me to come, too, even though I didn't need one. I was indecisive. It would be nice
to get out of town with some girlfriends, but Lauren would be there. And who knew what
I could be doing tonight… But that was definitely the wrong path to let my mind wander
down. Of course I was happy about the sunlight. But that wasn't completely responsible
for the euphoric mood I was in, not even close.
So I gave her a maybe, telling her I'd have to talk with Charlie first.
She talked of nothing but the dance on the way to Spanish, continuing as if without an
interruption when class finally ended, five minutes late, and we were on our way to
lunch. I was far too lost in my own frenzy of anticipation to notice much of what she said.
I was painfully eager to see not just him but all the Cullens — to compare them with the
new suspicions that plagued my mind. As I crossed the threshold of the cafeteria, I felt
the first true tingle of fear slither down my spine and settle in my stomach. Would they be
able to know what I was thinking? And then a different feeling jolted through me —
would Edward be waiting to sit with me again?
As was my routine, I glanced first toward the Cullens ' table. A shiver of panic trembled
in my stomach as I realized it was empty. With dwindling hope, my eyes scoured the rest
of the cafeteria, hoping to find him alone, waiting for me. The place was nearly filled —
Spanish had made us late — but there was no sign of Edward or any of his family.
Desolation hit me with crippling strength.
I shambled along behind Jessica, not bothering to pretend to listen anymore.
We were late enough that everyone was already at our table. I avoided the empty chair
next to Mike in favor of one by Angela. I vaguely noticed that Mike held the chair out
politely for Jessica, and that her face lit up in response.
Angela asked a few quiet questions about the Macbeth paper, which I answered as
naturally as I could while spiraling downward in misery. She, too, invited me to go with
them tonight, and I agreed now, grasping at anything to distract myself.
I realized I'd been holding on to a last shred of hope when I entered Biology, saw his
empty seat, and felt a new wave of disappointment.
The rest of the day passed slowly, dismally. In Gym, we had a lecture on the rules of
badminton, the next torture they had lined up for me. But at least it meant I got to sit and
listen instead of stumbling around on the court. The best part was the coach didn't finish,
so I got another day off tomorrow. Never mind that the day after they would arm me with
a racket before unleashing me on the rest of the class.
I was glad to leave campus, so I would be free to pout and mope before I went out
tonight with Jessica and company. But right after I walked in the door of Charlie's house,
Jessica called to cancel our plans. I tried to be happy that Mike had asked her out to
dinner — I really was relieved that he finally seemed to be catching on — but my
enthusiasm sounded false in my own ears. She rescheduled our shopping trip for
tomorrow night.
Which left me with little in the way of distractions. I had fish marinating for dinner,
with a salad and bread left over from the night before, so there was nothing to do there. I
spent a focused half hour on homework, but then I was through with that, too. I checked
my e-mail, reading the backlog of letters from my mother, getting snippier as they
progressed to the present. I sighed and typed a quick response.
Mom,
Sorry. I've been out. I went to the beach with some friends. And I had to write a paper.
My excuses were fairly pathetic, so I gave up on that.
It's sunny outside today - I know, I'm shocked, too - so I'm going to go outside and soak
up as much vitamin D as I can. I love you,
Bella.
I decided to kill an hour with non-school-related reading. I had a small collection of
books that came with me to Forks, the shabbiest volume being a compilation of the works
of Jane Austen. I selected that one and headed to the backyard, grabbing a ragged old
quilt from the linen cupboard at the top of the stairs on my way down.
Outside in Charlie's small, square yard, I folded the quilt in half and laid it out of the
reach of the trees' shadows on the thick lawn that would always be slightly wet, no matter
how long the sun shone. I lay on my stomach, crossing my ankles in the air, flipping
through the different novels in the book, trying to decide which would occupy my mind
the most thoroughly. My favorites were Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility.
I'd read the first most recently, so I started into Sense and Sensibility, only to remember
after I began three that the hero of the story happened to be named Edward. Angrily, I
turned to Mansfield Park, but the hero of that piece was named Edmund, and that was just
too close. Weren't there any other names available in the late eighteenth century? I
snapped the book shut, annoyed, and rolled over onto my back. I pushed my sleeves up as
high as they would go, and closed my eyes. I would think of nothing but the warmth on
my skin, I told myself severely. The breeze was still light, but it blew tendrils of my hair
around my face, and that tickled a bit. I pulled all my hair over my head, letting it fan out
on the quilt above me, and focused again on the heat that touched my eyelids, my
cheekbones, my nose, my lips, my forearms, my neck, soaked through my light shirt…
The next thing I was conscious of was the sound of Charlie's cruiser turning onto the
bricks of the driveway. I sat up in surprise, realizing the light was gone, behind the trees,
and I had fallen asleep. I looked around, muddled, with the sudden feeling that I wasn't
alone.
"Charlie?" I asked. But I could hear his door slamming in front of the house.
I jumped up, foolishly edgy, gathering the now-damp quilt and my book. I ran inside to
get some oil heating on the stove, realizing that dinner would be late. Charlie was
hanging up his gun belt and stepping out of his boots when I came in.
"Sorry, Dad, dinner's not ready yet — I fell asleep outside." I stifled a yawn.
"Don't worry about it," he said. "I wanted to catch the score on the game, anyway."
I watched TV with Charlie after dinner, for something to do. There wasn't anything on I
wanted to watch, but he knew I didn't like baseball, so he turned it to some mindless
sitcom that neither of us enjoyed. He seemed happy, though, to be doing something
together. And it felt good, despite my depression, to make him happy.
"Dad," I said during a commercial, "Jessica and Angela are going to look at dresses for
the dance tomorrow night in Port Angeles, and they wanted me to help them choose… do
you mind if I go with them?"
"Jessica Stanley?" he asked.
"And Angela Weber." I sighed as I gave him the details.
He was confused. "But you're not going to the dance, right?"
"No, Dad, but I'm helping them find dresses — you know, giving them constructive
criticism." I wouldn't have to explain this to a woman.
"Well, okay." He seemed to realize that he was out of his depth with the girlie stuff. "It's
a school night, though."
"We'll leave right after school, so we can get back early. You'll be okay for dinner,
right?"
"Bells, I fed myself for seventeen years before you got here," he reminded me.
"I don't know how you survived," I muttered, then added more clearly, "I'll leave some
things for cold-cut sandwiches in the fridge, okay? Right on top."
It was sunny again in the morning. I awakened with renewed hope that I grimly tried to
suppress. I dressed for the warmer weather in a deep blue V-neck blouse — something I'd
worn in the dead of winter in Phoenix.
I had planned my arrival at school so that I barely had time to make it to class. With a
sinking heart, I circled the full lot looking for a space, while also searching for the silver
Volvo that was clearly not there. I parked in the last row and hurried to English, arriving
breathless, but subdued, before the final bell.
It was the same as yesterday — I just couldn't keep little sprouts of hope from budding
in my mind, only to have them squashed painfully as I searched the lunchroom in vain
and sat at my empty Biology table.
The Port Angeles scheme was back on again for tonight and made all the more
attractive by the fact that Lauren had other obligations. I was anxious to get out of town
so I could stop glancing over my shoulder, hoping to see him appearing out of the blue
the way he always did. I vowed to myself that I would be in a good mood tonight and not
ruin Angela's or Jessica's enjoyment in the dress hunting. Maybe I could do a little clothes
shopping as well. I refused to think that I might be shopping alone in Seattle this
weekend, no longer interested in the earlier arrangement. Surely he wouldn't cancel
without at least telling me.
After school, Jessica followed me home in her old white Mercury so that I could ditch
my books and truck. I brushed through my hair quickly when I was inside, feeling a slight
lift of excitement as I contemplated getting out of Forks. I left a note for Charlie on the
table, explaining again where to find dinner, switched my scruffy wallet from my school
bag to a purse I rarely used, and ran out to join Jessica. We went to Angela's house next,
and she was waiting for us. My excitement increased exponentially as we actually drove
out of the town limits.
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