Eclipse - Chapter 27

Needs

I DIDN'T GET VERY FAR BEFORE DRIVING BECAME IMPOS sible.

When I couldn't see anymore, I let my tires find the rough shoulder and rolled slowly to a
stop. I slumped over on the seat and allowed the weakness I'd fought in Jacob's room crush
me. It was worse that I'd thought - the force of it took me by surprise. Yes, I had been right
to hide this from Jacob. No one should ever see this.

But I wasn't alone for very long - just exactly long enough for Alice to see me here, and then
the few minutes it took him to arrive. The door creaked open, and he pulled me into his arms.
At first it was worse. Because there was that smaller part of me - smaller, but getting louder
and angrier every minute, screaming at the rest of me - that craved a different set of arms. So
then there was fresh guilt to season the pain.

He didn't say anything, he just let me sob until I began to blubber out Charlie's name.
"Are you really ready to go home?" he asked doubtfully.

I managed to convey, after several attempts, that it wasn't going to get any better anytime
soon. I needed to get past Charlie before it got late enough for him to call Billy.
So he drove me home - for once not even getting close to my truck's internal speed limit -
keeping one arm wrapped tightly around me. The whole way, I fought for control. It seemed
to be a doomed effort at first, but I didn't give up. Just a few seconds, I told myself. Just time
for a few excuses, or a few lies, and then I could break down again. I had to be able to do
that much. I scrambled around in my head, searching desperately for a reserve of strength.

There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs - hold them back but not end them. The tears
didn't slow. I couldn't seem to find any handle to even begin to work with those.

"Wait for me upstairs," I mumbled when we were in front of the house.
He hugged me closer for one minute, and then he was gone.

Once inside, I headed straight for the stairs.

"Bella?" Charlie called after me from his usual place on the sofa as I walked by.
I turned to look at him without speaking. His eyes bugged wide, and he lurched to his feet.

"What happened? Is Jacob . . . ?" he demanded.

I shook my head furiously, trying to find my voice. "He's fine, he's fine," I promised, my voice
low and husky. And Jacobwas fine, physically, which is all Charlie was worried about at the
moment.
"But what happened?" He grabbed my shoulders, his eyes still anxious and wide. "What
happened to you?"
I must look worse than I'd imagined.
"Nothing, Dad. I . . . just had to talk to Jacob about . . . some things that were hard. I'm
fine."
The anxiety calmed, and was replaced by disapproval.
"Was this really the best time?" he asked.
"Probably not, Dad, but I didn't have any alternatives - it just got to the point where I had to
choose. . . . Sometimes, there isn't any way to compromise."
He shook his head slowly. "How did he handle it?"
I didn't answer.
He looked at my face for a minute, and then nodded. That must have been answer enough.
"I hope you didn't mess up his recovery."
"He's a quick healer," I mumbled.
Charlie sighed.
I could feel the control slipping.
"I'll be in my room," I told him, shrugging out from underneath his hands.
"'Kay," Charlie agreed. He could probably see the waterworks starting to escalate. Nothing
scared Charlie worse than tears.
I made my way to my room, blind and stumbling.
Once inside, I fought with the clasp on my bracelet, trying to undo it with shaking fingers.
"No, Bella," Edward whispered, capturing my hands. "It's part of who you are."
He pulled me into the cradle of his arms as the sobs broke free again.
This longest of days seemed to stretch on and on and on. I wondered if it would ever end.
But, though the night dragged relentlessly, it was not the worst night of my life. I took
comfort from that. And I was not alone. There was a great deal of comfort in that, too.
Charlie's fear of emotional outbursts kept him from checking on me, though I was not quiet -
he probably got no more sleep than I did.
My hindsight seemed unbearably clear tonight. I could see every mistake I'd made, every bit
of harm I'd done, the small things and the big things. Each pain I'd caused Jacob, each
wound I'd given Edward, stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny.
And I realized that I'd been wrong all along about the magnets. It had not been Edward and
Jacob that I'd been trying to force together, it was the two parts of myself, Edward's Bella
and Jacob's Bella. But they could not exist together, and I never should have tried.
I'd done so much damage.
At some point in the night, I remembered the promise I'd made to myself early this morning -
that I would never make Edward see me shed another tear for Jacob Black. The thought
brought on a round of hysteria which frightened Edward more than the weeping. But it
passed, too, when it had run its course.
Edward said little; he just held me on the bed and let me ruin his shirt, staining it with salt
water.
It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It
happened, though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not
bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like medicine. Made it more
bearable. But it was still there; I was aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me to make
the adjustments I needed to make.
The morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, as least a measure of control, some
acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was
just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier - that's what everyone always
said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be
happy again.
When I woke up, there was no disorientation. I opened my eyes - finally dry - and met his
anxious gaze.
"Hey," I said. My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat.
He didn't answer. He watched me, waiting for it to start.
"No, I'm fine," I promised. "That won't happen again."
His eyes tightened at my words.
"I'm sorry that you had to see that," I said. "That wasn't fair to you."
He put his hands on either side of my face.
"Bella . . . are yousure ? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain
-" His voice broke on the last word.
But I had known worse pain.
I touched his lips. "Yes."
"I don't know. . . ." His brow creased. "If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the
right thing for you?"
"Edward, I know who I can't live without."
"But . . ."
I shook my head. "You don't understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live
without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with
you. It's the only way I can live."
He still looked dubious. I should never have let him stay with me last night. But I had needed
him so much. . . .
"Hand me that book, will you?" I asked, pointing over his shoulder.
His eyebrows pulled together in confusion, but he gave it to me quickly.
"This again?" he asked.
"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered . . . to see how she said it. . . ." I flipped
through the book, finding the page I wanted easily. The corner was dog-eared from the many
times I'd stopped here. "Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right," I
muttered. I read the lines quietly, mostly to myself. "'If all else perished, and he remained, I
should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe
would turn to a mighty stranger.'" I nodded, again to myself. "I know exactly what she
means. And I know who I can't live without."
Edward took the book from my hands and flipped it across the room - it landed with a
lightthud on my desk. He wrapped his arms around my waist.
A small smile lit his perfect face, though worry still lined his forehead. "Heathcliff had his
moments, too," he said. He didn't need the book to get it word perfect. He pulled me closer
and whispered in my ear, "'Icannot live without my life! Icannot live without my soul!'"
"Yes," I said quietly. "That's my point."
"Bella, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe . . ."
"No, Edward. I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I
know what I want and what I need . . . and what I'm going to do now."
"What arewe going to do now?"
I smiled just a bit at his correction, and then I sighed. "We are going to go see Alice."
Alice was on the bottom porch step, too hyper to wait for us inside. She looked about to
break into a celebration dance, so excited was she about the news she knew I was there to
deliver.
"Thank you, Bella!" she sang as we got out of the truck.
"Hold it, Alice," I warned her, lifting a hand up to halt her glee. "I've got a few limitations for
you."
"I know, I know, I know. I only have until August thirteenth at the latest, you have veto
power on the guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, you'll never speak to me again."
"Oh, okay. Well, yeah. You know the rules, then."
"Don't worry, Bella, it will be perfect. Do you want to see your dress?"
I had to take a few deep breaths.Whatever makes her happy, I said to myself.
"Sure."
Alice's smile was smug.
"Um, Alice," I said, keeping the casual, unruffled tone in my voice. "When did you get me a
dress?"
It probably wasn't much of a show. Edward squeezed my hand.
Alice led the way inside, heading for the stairs. "These things take time, Bella," Alice
explained. Her tone seemed . . . evasive. "I mean, I wasn'tsure things were going to turn out
this way, but there was a distinct possibility. . . ."
"When?" I asked again.
"Perrine Bruyere has a waiting list, you know," she said, defensive now. "Fabric masterpieces
don't happen overnight. If I hadn't thought ahead, you'd be wearing something off the rack!"
It didn't look like I was going to get a straight answer. "Per - who?"
"He's not a major designer, Bella, so there's no need to throw a hissy fit. He's got promise,
though, and he specializes in what I needed."
"I'm not throwing a fit."
"No, you're not." She eyed my calm face suspiciously. Then, as we walked into her room, she
turned on Edward.
"You - out."
"Why?" I demanded.
"Bella," she groaned. "You know the rules. He's not supposed to see the dress till the day of."
I took another deep breath. "It doesn't matter to me. And you know he's already seen it in
your head. But if that's how you want it. . . ."
She shoved Edward back out the door. He didn't even look at her - his eyes were on me,
wary, afraid to leave me alone.
I nodded, hoping my expression was tranquil enough to reassure him.
Alice shut the door in his face.
"All right!" she muttered. "C'mon."
She grabbed my wrist and towed me to her closet - which was bigger than my bedroom - and
then dragged me to the back corner, where a long white garment bag had a rack all to itself.
She unzipped the bag in one sweeping movement, and then slipped it carefully off the
hanger. She took a step back, holding her hand out to the dress like she was a game show
hostess.
"Well?" she asked breathlessly.
I appraised it for a long moment, playing with her a bit. Her expression turned worried.
"Ah," I said, and I smiled, letting her relax. "I see."
"What do you think?" she demanded.
It was myAnne of Green Gables vision all over again.
"It's perfect, of course. Exactly right. You're a genius."
She grinned. "I know."
"Nineteen-eighteen?" I guessed.
"More or less," she said, nodding. "Some of it ismy design, the train, the veil. . . ." She
touched the white satin as she spoke. "The lace is vintage. Do you like it?"
"It's beautiful. It's just right for him."
"But is it just right for you?" she insisted.
"Yes, I think it is, Alice. I think it's just what I need. I know you'll do a great job with this . .
. if you can keep yourself in check."
She beamed.
"Can I see your dress?" I asked.
She blinked, her face blank.
"Didn't you order your bridesmaid dress at the same time? I wouldn't want my maid of honor
to wear something off therack. " I pretended to wince in horror.
She threw her arms around my waist. "Thank you, Bella!"
"How could you not see that one coming?" I teased, kissing her spiky hair. "Some psychic
you are!"
Alice danced back, and her face was bright with fresh enthusiasm. "I've got so much to do!
Go play with Edward. I have to get to work."
She dashed out of the room, yelling, "Esme!" as she disappeared.
I followed at my own pace. Edward was waiting for me in the hallway, leaning against the
wood-paneled wall.
"That was very, very nice of you," he told me.
"She seems happy," I agreed.
He touched my face; his eyes - too dark, it had been so long since he'd left me - searched my
expression minutely.
"Let's get out of here," he suddenly suggested. "Let's go to our meadow."
It sounded very appealing. "I guess I don't have to hide out anymore, do I?"
"No. The danger is behind us."
He was quiet, thoughtful, as he ran. The wind blew on my face, warmer now that the storm
had really passed. The clouds covered the sky, the way they usually did.
The meadow was a peaceful, happy place today. Patches of summer daisies interrupted the
grass with splashes of white and yellow. I lay back, ignoring the slight dampness of the
ground, and looked for pictures in the clouds. They were too even, too smooth. No pictures,
just a soft, gray blanket.
Edward lay next to me and held my hand.
"August thirteenth?" he asked casually after a few minutes of comfortable silence.
"That gives me a month till my birthday. I didn't want to cut it too close."
He sighed. "Esme is three years older than Carlisle - technically. Did you know that?"
I shook my head.
"It hasn't made any difference to them."
My voice was serene, a counterpoint to his anxiety. "My age is not really that important.
Edward, I'm ready. I've chosen my life - now I want to start living it."
He stroked my hair. "The guest list veto?"
"I don't care really, but I . . ." I hesitated, not wanting to explain this one. Best to get it over
with. "I'm not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite . . . a few werewolves. I don't know
if . . . Jake would feel like . . . like heshould come. Like that's the right thing to do, or that I'd
get my feelings hurt if he didn't. He shouldn't have to go through that."
Edward was quiet for a minute. I stared at the tips of the treetops, almost black against the
light gray of the sky.
Suddenly, Edward grabbed me around the waist and pulled me onto his chest.
"Tell me why you're doing this, Bella. Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free reign?"
I repeated for him the conversation I had with Charlie last night before I'd gone to see Jacob.
"It wouldn't be fair to keep Charlie out of this," I concluded. "And that means Renée and
Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun, too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for
Charlie if he gets his proper goodbye. Even if he thinks it's much too early, I wouldn't want
to cheat him out of the chance to walk me down the aisle." I grimaced at the words, then
took another deep breath. "At least my mom and dad and my friends will know the best part
of my choice, the most I'm allowed to tell them. They'll know I chose you, and they'll know
we're together. They'll know I'm happy, wherever I am. I think that's the best I can do for
them."
Edward held my face, searching it for a brief time.
"Deal's off," he said abruptly.
"What?" I gasped. "You're backing out? No!"
"I'm not backing out, Bella. I'll still keep my side of the bargain. But you're off the hook.
Whatever you want, no strings attached."
"Why?"
"Bella, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care
about anyone else's feelings. I only needyou to be happy. Don't worry about breaking the
news to Alice. I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty."
"But I -"
"No. We're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look
at whatI've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you,
though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself
anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong. So." He shifted under
me, squaring his shoulders. "We're doing ityour way, Bella. Tonight. Today. The sooner the
better. I'll speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe if we gave you enough morphine, it
wouldn't be so bad. It's worth a try." He gritted his teeth.
"Edward, no -"
He put his finger to my lips. "Don't worry, Bella, love. I haven't forgotten the rest of your
demands."
His hands were in my hair, his lips moving softly - but very seriously - against mine, before I
realized what he was saying. What he was doing.
There wasn't much time to act. If I waited too long, I wouldn't be able to remember why I
needed to stop him. Already, I couldn't breathe right. My hands were gripping his arms,
pulling myself tighter to him, my mouth glued to his and answering every unspoken question
his asked.
I tried to clear my head, to find a way to speak.
He rolled gently, pressing me into the cool grass.
Oh, never mind!my less noble side exulted. My head was full of the sweetness of his breath.
No, no, no,I argued with myself. I shook my head, and his mouth moved to my neck, giving
me a chance to breathe.
"Stop, Edward. Wait." My voice was as weak as my will.
"Why?" he whispered into the hollow of my throat.
I labored to put some resolve into my tone. "I don't want to do this now."
"Don't you?" he asked, a smile in his voice. He moved his lips back to mine and made
speaking impossible. Heat coursed through my veins, burning where my skin touched his.
I made myself focus. It took a great deal of effort just to force my hands to free themselves
from his hair, to move them to his chest. But I did it. And then I shoved against him, trying
to push him away. I could not succeed alone, but he responded as I knew he would.
He pulled back a few inches to look at me, and his eyes did nothing to help my resolve. They
were black fire. They smoldered.
"Why?" he asked again, his voice low and rough. "I love you. I want you. Right now."
The butterflies in my stomach flooded my throat. He took advantage of my speechlessness.
"Wait, wait," I tried to say around his lips.
"Not for me," he murmured in disagreement.
"Please?" I gasped.
He groaned, and pushed himself away from me, rolling onto his back again.
We both lay there for a minute, trying to slow our breathing.
"Tell me why not, Bella," he demanded. "This had better not be about me."
Everything in my world was about him. What a silly thing to expect.
"Edward, this is very important to me. Iam going to do this right."
"Who's definition of right?"
"Mine."
He rolled onto his elbow and stared at me, his expression disapproving.
"Howare you going to do this right?"
I took a deep breath. "Responsibly. Everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and
Renée without the best resolution I can give them. I won't deny Alice her fun, if I'm having a
wedding anyway. And Iwill tie myself to you in every human way, before I ask you to make
me immortal. I'm following all the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to
take chances with. You're not going to budge me on this."
"I'll bet Icould, " he murmured, his eyes burning again.
"But you wouldn't," I said, trying to keep my voice level. "Not knowing that this is what I
really need."
"You don't fight fair," he accused.
I grinned at him. "Never said I did."
He smiled back, wistful. "If you change your mind . . ."
"You'll be the first to know," I promised.
The rain started to drip through the clouds just then, a few scattered drops that made
faintthuds as they struck the grass.
I glowered at the sky.
"I'll get you home." He brushed the tiny beads of water from my cheeks.
"Rain's not the problem," I grumbled. "It just means that it's time to go do something that
will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous."
His eyes widened in alarm.
"It's a good thing you're bulletproof." I sighed. "I'm going to need that ring. It's time to tell
Charlie."
He laughed at the expression on my face. "Highly dangerous," he agreed. He laughed again
and then reached into the pocket of his jeans. "But as least there's no need for a side trip."
He once again slid my ring into place on the third finger of my left hand.
Where it would stay - conceivably for the rest of eternity.
EPILOGUE - CHOICE
JACOBBLACK
"Jacob, do you think this is going to take too much longer?" Leah demanded. Impatient.
Whiney.
My teeth clenched together.
Like anyone in the pack, Leah knew everything. She knew why I came here - to the very
edge of the earth and sky and sea. To be alone. She knew that this was all I wanted. Just to
be alone.
But Leah was going to force her company on me, anyway.
Besides being crazy annoyed, I did feel smug for a brief second. Because I didn't even have
to think about controlling my temper. It was easy now, something I just did, natural. The red
haze didn't wash over my eyes. The heat didn't shiver down my spine. My voice was calm
when I answered.
"Jump off a cliff, Leah." I pointed to the one at my feet.
"Really, kid." She ignored me, throwing herself into a sprawl on the ground next to me. "You
have no idea how hard this is for me."
"Foryou ?" It took me a minute to believe she was serious. "You have to be the most
self-absorbed person alive, Leah. I'd hate to shatter the dream world you live in - the one
where the sun is orbiting the place where you stand - so I won't tell you how little I care
what your problem is.Go. Away. "
"Just look at this from my perspective for a minute, okay?" she continued as if I hadn't said
anything.
If she was trying to break my mood, it worked. I started laughing. The sound hurt in strange
ways.
"Stop snorting and pay attention," she snapped.
"If I pretend to listen, will you leave?" I asked, glancing over at the permanent scowl on her
face. I wasn't sure if she had any other expressions anymore.
I remembered back to when I used to think that Leah was pretty, maybe even beautiful. That
was a long time ago. No one thought of her that way now. Except for Sam. He was never
going to forgive himself. Like it was his fault that she'd turned into this bitter harpy.
Her scowl heated up, as if she could guess what I was thinking. Probably could.
"This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like tome ? I don't evenlike
Bella Swan. And you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm in love with her, too.
Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night!
What the hell am I supposed to do withthat ?"
"Do I care?"
"I can't stand being in your head anymore! Get over her already! She's going tomarry that
thing. He's going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy."
"Shutup, " I growled.
It would be wrong to strike back. I knew that. I was biting my tongue. But she'd be sorry if
she didn't walk away. Now.
"He'll probably just kill her anyway," Leah said. Sneering. "All the stories say that happens
more often than not. Maybe a funeral will be better closure than a wedding. Ha."
This time I had to work. I closed my eyes and fought the hot taste in my mouth. I pushed and
shoved against the slide of fire down my back, wrestling to keep my shape together while my
body tried to shake apart.
When I was in control again, I glowered at her. She was watching my hands as the tremors
slowed. Smiling.
Some joke.
"If you're upset about gender confusion, Leah . . . ," I said. Slow, emphasizing each word.
"How do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It's bad enough that
Emily has to deal withyour fixation. She doesn't need us guys panting after him, too."
Pissed as I was, I still felt guilty when I watched the spasm of pain shoot across her face.
She scrambled to her feet - pausing only to spit in my direction - and ran for the trees,
vibrating like a tuning fork.
I laughed darkly. "You missed."
Sam was going to give me hell for that, but it was worth it. Leah wouldn't bug me anymore.
And I'd do it again if I had the chance.
Because her words were still there, scratching themselves into my brain, the pain of it so
strong that I could hardly breathe.
It didn't matter so much that Bella'd chosen someone else over me. That agony was nothing
at all. That agony I could live with for the rest of my stupid, too long, stretched-out life.
But it did matter that she was giving up everything - that she was letting her heart stop and
her skin ice over and her mind twist into some crystallized predator's head. A monster. A
stranger.
I would have thought there was nothing worse than that, nothing more painful in the whole
world.
But, if hekilled her . . .
Again, I had to fight the rage. Maybe, if not for Leah, it would be good to let the heat change
me into a creature who could deal with it better. A creature with instincts so much stronger
than human emotions. An animal who couldn't feel pain in the same way. A different pain.
Some variety, at least. But Leah was running now, and I didn't want to share her thoughts. I
cussed her under my breath for taking away that escape, too.
My hands were shaking in spite of me. What shook them? Anger? Agony? I wasn't sure what
I was fighting now.
I had to believe that Bella would survive. But that required trust - a trust I didn't want to
feel, a trust in that bloodsucker's ability to keep her alive.
She would be different, and I wondered how that would affect me. Would it be the same as
if she had died, to see her standing there like a stone? Like ice? When her scent burned in my
nostrils and triggered the instinct to rip, to tear . . . How would that be? Could I want to
killher ? Could I not want to kill one ofthem ?
I watched the swells roll toward the beach. They disappeared from sight under the edge of
the cliff, but I heard them beat against the sand. I watched them until it was late, long after
dark.
Going home was probably a bad idea. But I was hungry, and I couldn't think of another plan.
I made a face as I pulled my arm through the retarded sling and grabbed my crutches. If only
Charlie hadn't seen me that day and spread the word of my "motorcycle accident." Stupid
props. I hated them.
Going hungry started to look better when I walked in the house and got a look at my dad's
face. He had something on his mind. It was easy to tell - he always overdid it. Acted all
casual.
He also talked too much. He was rambling about his day before I could get to the table. He
never jabbered like this unless there was something that he didn't want to say. I ignored him
as best I could, concentrating on the food. The faster I choked it down . . .
". . . and Sue stopped by today." My dad's voice was loud. Hard to ignore. As always.
"Amazing woman. She's tougher than grizzlies, that one. I don't know how she deals with
that daughter of hers, though. Now Sue, she would have made one hell of a wolf. Leah's
more of a wolverine." He chuckled at his own joke.
He waited briefly for my response, but didn't seem to see my blank, bored-out-of-my-mind
expression. Most days that bugged him. I wished he would shut up about Leah. I was trying
not to think about her.
"Seth's a lot easier. Of course, you were easier than your sisters, too, until . . . well, you have
more to deal with than they did."
I sighed, long and deep, and stared out the window.
Billy was quiet for a second too long. "We got a letter today."
I could tell that this was the subject he'd been avoiding.
"A letter?"
"A . . . wedding invitation."
Every muscle in my body locked into place. A feather of heat seemed to brush down my
back. I held onto the table to keep my hands steady.
Billy went on like he hadn't noticed. "There's a note inside that's addressed to you. I didn't
read it."
He pulled a thick ivory envelope from where it was wedged between his leg and the side of
his wheelchair. He laid it on the table between us.
"You probably don't need to read it. Doesn't really matter what it says."
Stupid reverse psychology. I yanked the envelope off the table.
It was some heavy, stiff paper. Expensive. Too fancy for Forks. The card inside was the
same, too done-up and formal. Bella'd had nothing to do with this. There was no sign of her
personal taste in the layers of see-through, petal-printed pages. I'd bet she didn't like it at all.
I didn't read the words, not even to see the date. I didn't care.
There was a piece of the thick ivory paper folded in half with my name handwritten in black
ink on the back. I didn't recognize the handwriting, but it was as fancy as the rest of it. For
half a second, I wondered if the bloodsucker was into gloating.
I flipped it open.
Jacob,
I'm breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn't want
to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I
would have wanted the choice.
I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you - for her - for everything.
Edward
"Jake, we only have the one table," Billy said. He was staring at my left hand.
My fingers were clamped down on the wood hard enough that it really was in danger. I
loosened them one by one, concentrating on that action alone, and then clenched my hands
together so I couldn't break anything.
"Yeah, doesn't matter anyway," Billy muttered.
I got up from the table, shrugging out of my t-shirt as I stood. Hopefully Leah had gone
home by now.
"Not too late," Billy mumbled as I punched the front door out of my way.
I was running before I hit the trees, my clothes strewn out behind me like a trail of crumbs -
as if I wanted to find my way back. It was almost too easy now to phase. I didn't have to
think. My body already knew where I was going and, before I asked it to, it gave me what I
wanted.
I had four legs now, and I was flying.
The trees blurred into a sea of black flowing around me. My muscles bunched and released in
an effortless rhythm. I could run like this for days and I would not be tired. Maybe, this time,
I wouldn't stop.
But I wasn't alone.
So sorry,Embry whispered in my head.
I could see through his eyes. He was far away, to the north, but he had wheeled around and
was racing to join me. I growled and pushed myself faster.
Wait for us,Quil complained. He was closer, just starting out from the village.
Leave me alone,I snarled.
I could feel their worry in my head, try hard as I might to drown it in the sound of the wind
and the forest. This was what I hated most - seeing myself through their eyes, worse now
that their eyes were full of pity. They saw the hate, but they kept running after me.
A new voice sounded in my head.
Let him go.Sam's thought was soft, but still an order. Embry and Quil slowed to a walk.
If only I could stop hearing, stop seeing what they saw. My head was so crowded, but the
only way to be alone again was to be human, and I couldn't stand the pain.
Phase back,Sam directed them.I'll pick you up, Embry.
First one, then another awareness faded into silence. Only Sam was left.
Thank you,I managed to think.
Come home when you can.The words were faint, trailing off into blank emptiness as he left,
too. And I was alone.
So much better. Now I could hear the faint rustle of the matted leaves beneath my toenails,
the whisper of an owl's wings above me, the ocean - far, far in the west - moaning against
the beach. Hear this, and nothing more. Feel nothing but speed, nothing but the pull of
muscle, sinew, and bone, working together in harmony as the miles disappeared behind me.
If the silence in my head lasted, I would never go back. I wouldn't be the first one to choose
this form over the other. Maybe, if I ran far enough away, I would never have to hear again. .
. .
I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me.

Categories: Eclipse